Teaching A Man To Fish

I believe in helping, but I don't believe in giving them their daily fish. I believe that helping is truly helping when we help them establish their lives in the foundation of self reliance. That is the only way through which a person can truly escape poverty, not by leaning to someone else's arm.

Sometimes we over do the assistance we give to our relatives that it leads to the peril of the one we're trying to help. They end up to be lazy and dependent. Unconsciously we are making them feel they are incapable of doing anything for themselves. We are trying to put into their minds that we are more blessed and great because were able to accomplish so much while they are waiting for the mercy of our help. They just have to wait what we will give them, because they will never be capable of achieving something as much as we do. They pity themselves for the circumstances they have, and misses the opportunity to experience how it is to accomplish something great.

When making decisions, instead of making their own, they usually seek for what our say is. We thought their are asking for our opinion, but the truth is they are incapable of making their own decision for fear that they could be wrong. And if things go the wrong way, they couldn't be blamed for it because they only took our advise. They refuse to take responsibility on anything and start to act carefree, the care is ours anyway not for them.

Pride, cowardice and fear are family. A person may refuse to acknowledge the circumstances they are in, they refuse to take responsibility on what's going on in their lives. They wouldn't accept any help that is less than what they expect to be given them. And anything that doesn't meet their expectations offends them. They wish things will be better for them, but they fear the possible outcome once they make any move or any decision. They are scared to take responsibility, wouldn't dare do anything about it for fear that things might get worse. But they hope someone will take responsibility on doing it for their sake. Hopefully someone who will sympathize with them. As the youngest in the family, a young man has been pampered so much by his mother. In spite of his age, he still lives with his mother, no job and they were given a comfortable home and monthly allowance.

Humility, courage, and faith are another family. Usually those who succeed in life have this attributes. They are humble enough to acknowledge their circumstance, thy try to sympathize to those who are less fortunate. They feel grateful with any amount of help you extend to them and will look in every possible way to return the kindness and generosity extended to them or if possible pay it forward to others who might need their help. Many years ago, a friend of mine is in so much need. His family have so much going on with siblings studying while another sibling is sick, and another sibling with special needs. They were grateful for the help extended to them, and they sought ways to return the the favor by doing services in return. Their family sold snacks at the overpass near their home. They looked for part-time jobs no matter meager the pay is because they know no matter how small they earn from it it will help in their expenses. They knew that with hard work things will be better. As I look back on those days and the way I see their family now, I couldn't believe it. All his siblings are successfully engaged in meaningful activities and have good jobs. Their family has started a small restaurant business. He is now a successful engineer and is a good provider to his family. 

Self Reliance: Key To Strengthening Families

Bread winner, family head... these are only two of the many names most OFWs represent. Many Filipinos doesn't understand the life and sacrifices of OFWs. And many are misinformed thinking that when a person works abroad they have unlimited flow of income. That is not true. But the truth is that they work hard, they work full time and sometimes they even have to find part time jobs to cover the expenses. 

We have known many OFWs who send 85-90% of their income back home to the Philippines -for their family and relatives to share.  And what's left to the OFW is a meager amount of money just enough to cover his food expenses for the entire month. There are also times that they have to resort to borrow money from someone in order to make ends meet. This cycle goes on and on until the OFW loses his job or goes for retirement. He comes back home with nothing, or perhaps some money enough to last for few months, and he also has debts. The worse part, they would sometimes receive feedback that they are not sending enough money or we all know it can be worse than this. 

I am also sure that this kind of situation is not only limited to OFWs but to many local workers in the Philippines as well. Those who are taking the responsibility as head of families, (yes I meant families, not family and you know why).

Filipinos, not only OFWs- are helpful specially to relatives, they are compassionate and selfless, to the point that we sometimes loose track of ourselves, our priorities and real responsibilities. Because they would take in all the responsibilities if they could. That is the way we show love for our extended family. But is this way good for them,  does it also build their welfare? 

Pick Just One

How many families can one person support? Raising one family is a big challenge and responsibility already, but how about those supporting not only one family but their relatives and other extended families as well. Should not our focus be the welfare of our immediate family. One of the best advise I heard is quoted this way, “therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife". What does this mean?
To be married takes a lot of responsibility, to have a successful family takes many long strides of fulfilling that responsibility. We needed to keep our focus primarily on our immediate family. Our spouse and our children. Cleaving is about making choices that reflect our priorities. Without appropriately leaving and appropriately cleaving, a couple can never expect to fully become one. It is always best to be together as a family and have your own space, even if what you can afford is just a small room.  I have seen and witnessed the difficulty a person experiences when they live under one roof with their in-laws. This kind of situation if not avoided can result to quarrel, family feud and misunderstanding. Our full responsibility is our wife or spouse and our children- their comfort (this is not limited to their needs but also what will make them happy) and their welfare (we have to think of their future). We are not obliged and it is not a responsibility to support our relatives who doesn't have work but we can help them without extending financial assistance,  by teaching them how to properly manage their finances, and to let them take responsibility for the choices they make- don't we all learn from the mistakes we make.

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other”. True enough, many families quarrel and end with broken marriages, unhappy spouses and family clashes.  

Strength and Weakness

We believe that a family could be made stronger if we focus on it. But once the mothers and fathers lose that focus, and take in the responsibility of another to support another family. Their support to their own family becomes divided thus making it weak. Those who have to support more than one family tend to spend more time looking for ways to earn extra income. They spend more time working so they can meet the needs of their family and those relatives who rely on them, rather than spending the time with their spouse and children.  If the mother and father in the home is solely focused on the comfort and welfare of their own family, they gain better capacity to provide for them and offer a much  better future for their children. While those who takes in the responsibility to support another family or relative, gets destructed on their focus and ends up being a weak support, that could result in a broken home and more problems.

We show our love through kindness and generosity that sometimes we are overdoing it to the peril of the one we're trying to help. They end up to be lazy and dependent. Unconsciously we are making them feel they are incapable of doing anything for themselves. We are trying to put into their minds that we are more blessed and great because were able to accomplish so much while they are waiting for the mercy of our help. They just have to wait what we will give them, because they will never be capable of achieving something as much as we do. They pity themselves for the circumstances they have, and misses the opportunity to experience how it is to accomplish something great.

Independence

Do you remember the first steps of a child or when you have to teach a child to ride a bike. We cannot teach independence if we will always hold on to them and never let go of their hands. It would be hard, but if we let our extended families depend on our help, we are depriving them the opportunity to grow, discover their talents and potential. We are depriving them to experience the joy of being able to achieve something, and provide for themselves. Let them fall if they must, that is the only way they will learn how to get up. A friend of mine said "We have to let them be in-charged in their lives, and let them live within their means...Very rarely, there will be emergencies, we can assist them but we should not relieve them of their responsibilities". 

Our culture made us think that turning our backs from relatives who are asking for help and support is selfishness. We are not abandoning them. We have to stop thinking that way. We have to stand by their side and be the voice of encouragement that will remind them and give them inspiration to keep going because we know they can do it. Teaching them to stand on their own feet, even if it has to be the hard way- is not selfishness. But that is the only way that will lead them to experience the joy and feeling of pride that can only come when you accomplish something after enduring hard work. And on our part it would also give us freedom to fully focus on our real responsibilities to our own family (spouse and children). 

Responsibility To Our Children

As parents, one of our responsibility is to teach our kids to work, that is the way we can have the assurance that they will be ok. We need to teach them the value of education it is their key to success. We may secure their future with money in trust funds they could survive life with that, but if they know how to work and how to be self reliant they will not only survive because they will be successful. 

It is also essential that we prepare for any their future in case something happens to us. No one would care better for our children than us parents. We needed to learn that extra money should not be spent all on our "wants" but we have to prepare for contingency- that will protect them and provide them with their needs in case they lose us. No person who has a family will take over to care for our child and make his/her needs their priority over their own kids. 

Duty to Ourselves/Spouse

As parents, we have duty to ourselves. We can have full time employment now, and earn more than enough to cover our needs. But the time will come that we will grow old, we will retire and we have to stop working. Our children will have their own families and their own children. They will be taking in responsibility to raise their own family. A French woman said, "parents will always be part of the family of their children". Grandparents should also think how their children can provide well for their grandchildren. As parents one of the best gifts we could give our children is to free them the obligation to support us. We know they will love us, we know they will be there. And if we prepare now, we will make it easier for them to fulfill their responsibilities to the family that they will have, so that they can also focus on providing well for our grandchildren.

Ways To Earn and Be Financially Self-Reliant

We always think that getting a job for our relatives who needs our constant assistance is the key. I would like to say it is not true. There are many full time housewives who manage to earn money without leaving their home. I am one of them and I didn't have capital nor did I have to pay anything to do it. 

I have done part time shopping job, I kept a blog with my husband and earned through it from advertisers. The money we receive from this jobs has been put together with the savings from his monthly salary and have invested it in stocks, mutual fund and use a fraction for trading. We believe that this will not only help us manage our current finances, but will also prepare us for our retirement. There are also websites like Odesk.com where you can sign up and they offer many contractual jobs from article writing, virtual assistant and countless more. 

You can learn skills using youtube. Google is a best friend you can always ask when you want something. He can suggest other free websites that have great tutorials and videos for any specific skill you may want to learn. I have learned how to bake and decorate cake, sew simple dresses for my daughter and pajamas for my boy. We followed tutorials to make holiday crafts that saved us a lot of money specially on birthdays when we don't have to buy store bought cake. Those skills had also became source of income to us when friends asks me to make some cake for special occasions. The things you could learn using the technology is unlimited and you just have to be diligent in searching and be patient in learning. We are all born to learn, all things can be learned. No body acquired their knowledge, talents and skills at birth, we acquired it because we chose to learn it while growing up. 

Some creative people do crafts and sell their product online.  I have a high school classmate that is good in crocheting, she has used the social media to get customers and pre-order products that she creatively make with her own hands. There were some who cater food. 

A friend shared a story about her son who doesn't know to cook not even an egg, but is now one of those well-paid chefs in France. He started by cutting onions, tomatoes and vegetables. He almost gave up. But his parents told him he couldn't stay home playing on the computer all the time. And that if he wouldn't work he wouldn't eat. He had no choice but to continue working. Until he learned so many things in the cuisine, deboning salmon, making deserts and then later he was hired by Italian chef and learned more about Italian food. He didn't earn a diploma as a chef but he worked with a team of chefs who graduated from a prestigious school for the chefs in France, and was well paid. Soon he will be managing his own business. Each one in their family is now financially self-reliant. All of them enjoys a very comfortable life. Their mother taught them well to work hard and gave them the freedom to manage their finances, she proudly said they eat out as family but they split the bill, they don't relieve them of their responsibility to provide for their personal needs, and at the same time they have the freedom to manage their finances for their future. 

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Family is the basic unit of every society. If our country has to improve, we have to start it within the walls of our home. What our nation needs are strong families. We can strengthen it if each member of the family will take responsibility. If we want success in the family, each one has to do their own duties and obligations. We have to help each other by not passing on to another the weight of our responsibility. We cannot leave all the responsibility to just one person, and expect a good result. 

Choosing Stocks To Invest

I sure did learn a lot for the past week since I started trading. But I feel sorry for not being able to write it here, it just kept me busy staring whats going on in oour stocks.

But for the past 3 days we realized you don't only earn from the increase on the value of stocks but also from dividends. To invest means you have to let it stay there for a period of time and not go about closing and opening a portfolio every wave. You actually don't need to watch it every second, but after you've carefully selected which stock to buy and trust it's on a stable position leave it there and wait for dividends to come. Certain corporations declares and distribute stock dividends and you have to research that before you decide which stock to buy.

Today, I learned that Google, one of the stocks we bought don't distribute dividend in cash, there are some that do so on a quarterly basis like Exxon Mobil, Mcdonalds, ConocoPhilips and Bristol Myers. These are only few of the many, but I sure would love to put some money on these stocks when money becomes available.

Commodities have not been favorable investment as I lose a lot during my first week of learning, when I thought that oil could be good because it went peak to 112, I bought few barrels for 110 and now it's down around 107-108 and the movement is not stable as it could go up and down depening on many external forces, and so is corn. Apple didn't do me justice as newbie after buying it for 500 it went down drastically.

I learned some charting tools that had been helpful for the last three days during the time when I thought trading means buying and selling as the wave of up and down comes along. I'll do it on my next post hopefully when I get the time. 

Taking It To Stock Trading

For a very long time I've been wanting to learn and do stock trading. When I was in college, I was hoping to find a course for stock trading but there is really not a real one. About a year ago I was so excited that someone who is a CEO of the biggest banks in Saudi Arabia, our friend, is willing to teach the basics on stock trading... but sadly they have to move back to the States and the plans to demo/teach didn't push through. I've tried quite number of online stock trading software but looking at how complicated it looks with those colorful charts, numbers and terms just made me step back and keep hoping I will learn somehow. Reading books gave me interest but I can't really give my whole time studying its complicated terms and computations with my 2 kids at home. I'm not really the kind who learns from books, I learn from investigating on my own and hands on experience.

So I was so happy because I came to this online stock trading that is so easy. So I started investing last week, I invested about 1,000 SAR which is not big enough but will be fair as I learn. I know using the demo mode will make me lazy and not be attentive on it. My husband is excited and supportive also, so we used the money we earned from mystery shopping which we kept in our paypal account hoping losing it wouldn't make us feel so guilty. This are part of our sidelines and according to his words of wisdom, losing is one way to learn, and experience and lessons are priceless. And your interest will be into something where you have invested something into. Well I have invested my bag fund to stocks, and I'll be losing the nice bag I've been aiming at, working our butt on mystery shopping to fund for it.

Anyway, when I invested corn happen to be rising at a tremendous rate, I bought at minimum, and it went up so fast overnight, then I accidentally closed the position when it was only starting to come up. Next time, I noticed I missed a lot of opportunity for corn because it was making it way up to 500 then 505, I decided to buy. Just after I bought, next minutes it came down crashing, and hoping it will go back up to 505 and rise some more so I can earn, it went all the way down and never looked back to me. I was so devastated, then I noticed this trailing stop button, I searched how it works and the way it was explained to didn't make much sense so I tried it on some other stocks I bought. Then when my stocks were gaining it didn't close because I didn't set it right to the proper pips, but it closed when I made a lot of loses without giving opportunity to gain back those loses, and to think that those I invested into are gold, and oil. I was more devastated, my money crashed and I lost more than 30% of what I invested.

But because of it, I've never been more eager to learn how the trailing stop works. I had never been more enthusiastic in stock market news and reviews. I even had been more aware of the climate and weather conditions not only around me but all throughout because it does affect the investment specially in crops. And I've never been more social in stock trading forums.

I still didn't close my investment in corn, hoping it will make its way back even just to my initial capital, hoping and praying that the market will go to our favor.

My next posts shall be a journal of what is going on in my stock trading investment ADVENTURE. 

Coming And Going

Almost 7 years in the desert and I will never get used to this thing, it will always be my most liked and hated thing, I like meeting new acquaintance and I will always hate saying goodbye to friends. Lets just say I'm not getting any better or mature enough when it comes to coping up with the sad feeling of friends leaving or leaving friends - considering our case when we moved out from Al Khobar back in 2010. 

I don't want to be too close to acquaintances knowing one way or another we will say goodbye, I know so immature right. But even if I tried not to be too close to anyone, that depressing feeling still stings me whenever someone we know leaves, be that we are close friends or simple acquaintance, I wonder why the feeling strikes like a whip.  This month really sucks because our family have to say goodbye to a lot of acquaintances, "good friends" actually- even if I try to disregard or ignore the words.  I wish I can be more mobile and could visit everyone anytime I want, without the hassle of securing visa or paying for expensive  plane tickets. This made me realized the world is still too big, with friends who could be anywhere around the world, nothing can replace their presence, not facebook, not phone. My kids will still miss playing with their playmates/friends, even if at times they don't get along well because they have to fight over a toy, Heavenne will miss a teacher who listens and laughs at her stories and compliments the good things she does. As time flies memories could fade away but the fact that once in our lives someone had been a part of the story of our lives can never be erased. 

They said saying goodbye gives a promise that we might say hello and be reunited again someday, and so we cling to it.

Light and Fluffy Banana Cake

I love cooking and doing stuffs in the house. My husband always tells me to keep a record of my recipes specially the cakes so my daughter could have it when she grows up and I could pass it on. So here I am starting a blog exclusively about my home making adventure while we are here in Saudi Arabia and how we are trying to live providently as we adjust to the cultural differences and market availability of certain foods we used to  love.

The thing about my love for baking cakes is I keep on experimenting how to substitute and make the usual basic recipes a healthier version until I come up with my own recipe. Sometimes I also lose tract of the recipe and I have to keep going experimenting again. Hopefully blogging about it can help me not to lose my notes.

Banana cake is one of my dear husband's favorite cakes. I also love making it because I hate throwing the overripe bananas that we have on our table.

For years I've been trying the best recipe for banana cake. Usually, I end up with the yummy but overly dense and super moist ones which is not my favorite.

Today as I try substituting and experimenting on recipes I end up with a healthier version of super light and fluffy banana cake that calls for yogurt, and canola oil which I think is healthier than the other recipes that call for butter.

You may get the recipe here.

Chocolate Swiss Rolls

Baking has been one of the things I enjoy doing. Although most of the time, my cooking would end up in a messy disaster or its not edible at all, I'm grateful for many lessons I'm getting from those experiences. I still remember the first time I tried baking some dinner rolls, and I end up with those inedible tiny hard as stone bread, but at least we enjoy the nice aroma of baked yeast in the entire house which fooled my husband when he came home because he thought it smells yummy. On one occasion, my cake ended up with the texture of a bread

Anyway this recipe is one of the many experiments that turned out well.

Chocolate Orange Swiss Rolls

6 eggs

1/2 cup flour + 1tbsp

3 tbsp cocoa

1/2 cup sugar +2 tbsp

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp baking powder

3 tbsp oil

orange zest

beat egg whites and add a tbsp of sugar once in a while about 10 minutes. use only the 1/2 cup of sugar.

beat the egg yolks add 2 tbsp sugar and let it froth, then add the 3 tbsp oil, vanila, orange zest, and salt

sift the flour, cocoa and baking powder three times

gently beat the egg yolk mixture to the egg whites and once incorporated fold in the flour and cocoa mixture.

spread in the parchment lined pan

bake at preheated oven 450 deg F for 15 minutes or until it springs back to touch.

filling

1 bar favorite chocolate bar, I used Galaxy

1 cup heavy whipping cream

1 tsp vanilla

1 tbsp cocoa powder

melt chocolate in microwave at low for 1 minute or until slightly melted but not too hot.

pour whipping cream and beat while adding cocoa and vanilla. Add sugar if you prefer it sweeter otherwise this should taste a bit of dark chocolate.

What Better Use Of Spare Time

The other day, we had another interesting conversation with some friends. I was intrigued about what was shared about time. How time can be used in vain doing nothing, and how we could also use our time doing something productive for ourselves, or a better use could be doing something better to serve others and develop the virtue in our self.

All of us wanted to live each day and be a better person. We choose to do things we like, some would rather choose to do productive things and be crafty, some choose to give their time to others by service.   Most of my time in a day is spent with my kids in the house, once the kids go on their afternoon nap- that's my time out/ break time. What do I do with my extra time when that happens? Here are some; I wash the laundry, clean the floor, the washing area, or bake some cake- it's my stress reliever. About two months ago, I was constantly whining, well I am still whining at times. I did a self evaluation and realized I lived more than a quarter century in this world and I want to be able to contribute something really really good to the community and start something. I whine because I blame it for being here and living in a box of sand where I feel so much deprived as woman.  Association with other women here almost seem impossible, I wish I could be as creative as my husband who could always make a group and find something meaningful to do together for others who are in need, or do something for the environment here. There's just too much that could be done here but my feelings towards starting something are described in these words: "scared, deprived, underprivileged". But if I could have a time out and be as free as woman can be in other parts of the world, I really want to do some environmental and welfare work. I wanted to come out during the day and start campaigning or rally around so they will stop cutting the branches of those bushes and few trees around, or limit the use of those plastic bags in the supermarket and encourage people to bring a reusable shopping bag;  I want to rally or make awareness campaign about smoking and file petition to ban smoking inside the malls or shopping centers in Saudi because it is very unhealthy and even kids health are posed to the health danger of it every time they go to the malls. There are so much more! Thinking realistic and feasible, what better thing could I do now? I realized the best thing I could do is spend time with my kids and have a meaningful relationship with them,    teach them the things I know, and hope someday what I taught them will be the legacy I could leave not only for them but also for my posterity. So, yes we're starting a mini garden in our small patio, and we're recycling those empty water bottles - we're doing as part of our playtime.  ;-)

Responsible Parenthood

I am not sure if everyone will agree with me on this post. This is just part of what I am seeing around me, and this may or may not apply to some. I don't mean to offend anyone. This are my thoughts and what I hope to do in our family.

Last night, we happened to talk about a family friend who happened to be so kind sharing with us the news how happy they are that their two older kids are graduating from college. Both the parents really worked hard to send their kids to a nice school and have provided them well, it is all worth all the sweat and sacrifices seeing the two graduate college. My husband kidded them that soon they will be touring around the world to enjoy and enjoy their retirement money. I but in to him and said the youngest is still young and will take another decade to graduate from college.

In the Philippines, it has been part of the culture to let the older kids take care of their younger sibling's schooling once they graduated and found a job. It's like the parents are being released from their duty or responsibility to provide for their younger kids, and a way for the older kids to show their gratitude for providing for their education by taking responsibility on their younger siblings schooling needs. When I was working, most of the single co-workers are worrying about their siblings tuition that are assumed to them, there are also some who have family already but are still fulfilling that duty to provide for the schooling needs of their siblings and sometimes even their extended family. I have nothing against about helping, specially siblings taking care of each other. But I don't like the idea of passing on to children the responsibility of sending their younger siblings to school.

In my opinion, it is the duty and responsibility of parents to provide for their kids, and being able to send the older kids to school doesn't relieve us of our duty to provide well for our younger children. As parents we need to plan how we can fulfill our financial responsibility as parents not for the mean time while we still have good source of income but for time until our children could reach the right age and be independent and mature enough to provide well for themselves.

I thought, maybe one reason why Filipinos don't get that successful is because of this cultural traditions. Filipinos are so talented, they get jobs around the world. They could make a lot in their early years, but the money they are earning usually goes to support their family -and  extended family too. Imagine what a person gets to in order to fulfill his responsibility of providing for two or more families. Usually the older sibling, or the smartest person who gets a good paying job have to assume responsibility in providing for the needs and cater to the whims of their younger siblings and extended family, they become what is called "the breadwinner".

Of course the breadwinner who assumes the responsibility becomes more hardworking, more independent, and more responsible- but could they save enough, and be prepared so when they start their own family. Or when they have their own kids, had they saved enough for the schooling and financial welfare of their own kids to support them all, or will they also pass the responsibility to the eldest child after his/her college.

On the other hand, there are those who gets the benefit provided for the by the hardworking people. Not all, but many become bummer- because they know someone will be sending and giving them allowances by the end of the month, and who would want to get out of their comfort zone? Some become irresponsible specially in managing their finances, because they don't know or realize the value of the money they are spending. They usually take pity on themselves, thinking and comparing how lucky the "breadwinner" is for being smart and having a good paying job. And here I pity the breadwinner for not being able to plan ahead and save for his future. He gets married and realizes that he hasn't saved anything even after a decade of work. By the time he starts his own family he will have to provide for  his family and extended family, and what do we have to say if the spouse have to do the same to her extended family too.

And our generation of bummers and hardworking breadwinners tribe together in amensalism.

In my point of view, family should be there and help each other in their needs. If our generation will start to focus on the welfare and well being of the next generation- our children. Maybe we could be more prepared for the future, we can be more prepared in giving the best to our children. We could teach our children more to be responsible and independent; to save and plan for their future too. And when the time comes then they can focus more about their own families needs.

In life's survival, it is easier to run with each other rather than run while carrying or dragging the other. Let's teach our children to run side by side with each other, not the stronger one to carry the other. We as parents could teach our kids hard work and let them learn how to provide for themselves. Let our kids experience hard work and sacrifice, this way they can taste success sweeter than what they think it is.

And for ourselves, let's prepare for our retirement. Just think of how hard it is to raise a family, how much more could it be if we have to worry and raise extended families. To teach our children to be responsible and independent is something we owe to them so they could focus on the family they will raise. In our part  we can enjoy old age, debt free, and with peace also that if we pass away all our children will be in good standing. And we have done our duty and financial responsibility to them, and have not passed it to their siblings.

I don't want to imagine my eldest daughter Hevyn working and providing for the education of her sibling/s. When the time comes that she is able to work, I hope she will focus on preparing for herself and her own family's future. I hope we can save, invest and prepare well for our retirement, so we don't have to bug our children and their family about our financial needs for our old age. I hope more Filipinos will do the same, and the next generation could focus more on building their own homes and having stronger families, more independent and successful individuals.

Parenting Style

I have a loud voice- when I get surprised or get caught in a really pleasant and unpleasant situation I scream and yell most of the time.

Imagine how uncontrollable our kids are at home. I always complain how hard headed they are, or should I say strong willed kids. They would always do what they want no matter what it takes. I always hope they would be obedient and just obey every command I make, like a puppet, which I learned shouldn't be the case. And to think I am hard headed too and it's something they got from me -I should not deny it.

Anyway, with the house looking like it's been hit by hurricane I'm always caught off guard with my screaming and yelling capability on the run. A whole day of cleaning and with a snap they could make it look like it hasn't been cleaned for an entire week. In my case, my mind spins like the way the house looks like. So if you want me to be calm and sane you have to keep with me by organizing and tidying things up. So my dear husband noticed how loud my scream gets every time the kids surprises me with their disastrous stunts. He said, it will be better to control and keep my voice really low for the kids sake, and it might have a psychological impact on them too. The submissive wife of course promised to be mindful and expect that every moment has disaster that I need to accept and be prepared for the contingencies. The other day, I left him in-charged of our little boy, the one that has ants in his pants. He gave him orange juice and tried to keep the boy busy by feeding him most of the time. I then decided to do my kitchen chores, and suddenly I heard a yell, "No, stop!", and another scream "oh no!". What happened? He came running looking for some rugs, orange juice all over the floor. The little boy, smirking, then gave some giggles. He tilted his cup of orange juice little by little upwards and didn't listen to the father in spite of his big loud "NO". I didn't say a word right then, but I can't help laughing. Now, we're still trying to not yell or scream when things starts to happen, we both try our best. 

My Postpartum Experiences

The thing about depression, some people think it's a choice and it could be consequences of bad choices. Not until you experience it, you'll never really understand how it works. Sometimes even if you have everything around you, you could still be under it's dreadful power. And no matter how happy you are with your family, spiritual or social life you could still be a victim of it.  Postpartum depression is one of the many faces of depression.  I experienced postpartum depression with both of my pregnancies and I'm scared to experience it again. It seemed to me, it got even worse on the second time. When you thought you could handle it better the next time, you can never really say. I don't even know if I could still handle and get out of it if it happens the 3rd time, that's why I'm scared to be pregnant again.

It often attacks me in the wee hours at night. You feel restless in the middle of the night when you should be tired and sleepy. Yet, no matter how tired you make yourself trying to do all things in your power  you still couldn't fall asleep. By then something worse follows as you become more restless, you feel alone and you needed someone to help you in a way that you can't even figure out how, everyone is asleep and soon it will be dawn.  You try to think of the many things you're grateful for to cheer yourself up, but memories goes round and round as if telling you how things are all messed up even if it's really not. You feel mad, you feel self pity, you worry about things that might happen. And sometimes you just feel all those negative feelings but couldn't explain reasons why you feel such. You're ok one time, and you're in your worse in an hour to follow. You feel you're not loved and few minutes you feel overwhelmed with love. One moment you feel you are being neglected and forgotten, and next you feel blessed. You also feel body aches and funny feelings in your body, that makes you think your life might not last that long. It's like being on a seesaw, one time you're way way up and one moment you're way way down. My husband would always wake up trying to console me, and he would spend hours telling me stories or plans which is very comforting enough to bring me to sleep, sometimes he would massage me too so I could fall asleep. These are just some of what a mother experiencing ppd could feel.


I thought that I could handle it more the second time it happened to me, but it got worse and almost out of control. I'm tempted to take hormone meds but decided it wouldn't be good as I'm nursing a little boy. I get scared being alone with the kids, I want to just sit down and be hugged by my husband. There are times that I couldn't stop crying and my daughter who is only 3 years old would hug me, and sing primary songs because somehow it calms me from crying too much. She would wipe my tears and tell me to cheer up, and I feel sad right then because she has to see me in such a way but grateful too because of her love and how she's handling it. Right now, it doesn't bother me so often as it was 14 months ago, but when my period gets near then my hormones gets rattled again, one day I'm too happy and cheerful the other day I'll be depressed. I chart the dates when I feel my emotions are heightened, I let my husband know so he will understand and help me go through it and keep me busy with shopping or do other things that will pave more way to for me to be happy rather than sad. We go out, we shop for fun, we do more fun things with our family. If I get overly occupied with one thing it doesn't do me good too, balance is needed I guess, you need to establish time for yourself and time with your love ones. I still don't understand how it works, and I'm not yet an expert on solving postpartum depression. But I'm trying to understand the patterns, and talking to my partner helps a lot. I feel depressed going to the hospital too, because it makes me feel I'm terribly sick and think and worry of things about health or paranoid maybe. I want to feel healthy, and I want to feel loved- these two helped mainly to keep me sane, and not worry about the future too much.

I really never thought I want to share this here, I want it to be more of a private matter to our family. But today, I learned from my husband how his friend's wife is suffering from it. I don't know what to say, or how I could help her since she's also miles away from me. But I hope she'll be fine. There are lots of women out there who suffers the same for sure. Too bad, not everyone is aware of this thing or how it could be prevented much more how to deal with it. I hope women will be educated on this too as part of reproductive health.  I haven't learned about it  until I experienced it when Hevyn is few months old.

Every girl is different, we all have different worries, and different things that will make us happy. Most of all, we want help to come from the person we love most, not professional strangers. Comfort, love, help in many forms specially adjusting to new home situation of having a new baby is very helpful too. The feeling of being a mother is overwhelming, unexplainable and divine, these feelings makes us aware of our new responsibility and our motherly love tells us we don't want to fail our beloved child. Knowing we are not alone in bring up a child can give lots of comfort and peace which may mean a lot to a new mother.

Spirituality Check

You know that feeling when sometimes things feel so dull, things happen routinely everyday and you feel bored in a way that you yourself cannot understand or explain. When you look at things, you have good family and friends surrounding you but you keep hoping for something better beyond your own control. You are in a foreign land, deserted, estranged and you start hoping you could have a home but still you can never save enough to have one and maybe you can say never.

I am kind of battling that thought and feeling most of the time. Being here in the desert simply doesn't help. Or maybe being here simply doesn't matter at all, but still I admire the American friends I know who are brave enough to go out during the day without their husbands. Somehow living in a desert really made me feel deserted in my own home, alone and bound within the four walls of this small apartment.  I wonder, will it ever make difference if we're not in the desert right now, or I might as well be whining about the negativeness in other places. 

But then,  you still tried almost everything to lift up yourself, you feel uplifted for a while and next  you still find yourself wallowing there with that same feeling that just keeps coming back no matter how you tried to escape it. I really hope I could be as strong as the other good women that I know out there who walks with grace, faith and strong testimony in their lives no matter how difficult things goes and who never get depressed. 

Today, I had conversation with some friends who asked me why testimony of the gospel is not enough to endure it all. When you try to imagine a spirituality chart to evaluate how you are doing, you could either find it ascending or descending but never constant. There are times you feel your spirituality is uplifted, but you cannot stop and have a break from doing the things that keeps your spirituality growing, like reading the scriptures, attending church and temple, or paying tithing. If you stop from doing one or more of the things that nourishes and keeps your spirituality strong, you can never expect to go back in the same level of spirituality you had before you decided to put these good things aside, you know the line descended a little bit or a lot and you need to do things that will nourish and let it grow again. Once you've done the covenants, the most difficult point will arise, that is enduring it all and keeping the chart ascending. 

Maybe if I will be grateful enough I will find more reasons to be happy and spiritually uplifted, or I should be humble enough to accept what is given to me, or if I manage my time wisely to accommodate the arising duties and responsibilities I have with my family I could find more time for my spiritual nourishment.  Or maybe tomorrow, women will be allowed to do more in this desert box and things will lighten up as I try to keep my spiritual progress go up. 

Dressing to Give a Lasting Impression

Sometimes girls forget that what they do, the way they conduct themselves be it at home or in public sends signal as to how people will respect them. Actually it also shows how she respects herself, I will always admire a girl who can keep her standards in dressing modestly regardless of any place or occasion.

What should a girl do to get noticed by a decent and respectable man? A lot! But first she has to decided, in what way does she wants to get noticed? Clearly, dressing immodestly doesn't earn the respect of a man nor does it give a good impression. When a woman dress in a modest and decent manner, she can attract a decent man; on the other way a woman who dress immodestly can expect to attract a man in the same category who may fail to  respect women. 

I believe women can be attractive and look good no matter what their age through the way they dress up. I've known and seen many older women who dress up with glamour and sophistication, they look so decent and respectable with their modest clothing. 

On Discipline

We had a great weekend today! The message and lesson we had today about women's potential and nurturing capabilities has kept me thinking about it until we got home.

My days are made busy and sometimes overwhelming with a very active growing little boy in our home. I actually had a nap today, and I woke up feeling exasperated because I dreamed about my little boy doing some more stunts and what we refer to as "daily disaster". In fact I used to take picture and tried starting a journal blog for my two kids which is often focused on his daily disastrous stunts like messing with the flour on our cupboard, climbing on our dining table to spill the foods or drinks for fun, and I got tired and have given up recording those fun disasters with him. His disasters has turned out to be our amusement as we talk about it at night and look at his face caught in the act for those fun but not so fun to clean messy disasters. 

Sometimes disciplining kids are tricky for me, I often shout out of surprise or desperation and sometimes anger. The truth is I need to develop more patience and gentleness when it comes to reproving them. And I always reason out for my bad temper and I feel bad about it after few minutes which I think is good because at least I could explain to Hevyn my reaction and hope its not too late, nobody really wants to hurt the precious child's heart. I don't want them to be rebellious because of the way they get treated when being disciplined. 

Disciplining our kids is never easy. I think it is more challenging for parents as they learn more valuable virtues while they rear and teach kids. In the end sometimes it is really the parents who should learn more, and what we learn as parents can actually matter more than the small things we want our kids to learn. 

It is always important to seek the guidance of the Holy Ghost in all things we do. The boundaries between being so harsh and reproving kids with sharpness can only be distinguished by how we feel inside us and how we are guided by Holy Ghost as we teach kids the right way. And sometimes we can note that kids learn more with gentleness and patience rather than by punishment or nagging. 

House Encounters

Motherhood can really be rewarding, sometimes frustrating, but most of the time humorous.

Now that I'm on my third trimester, I can't help but sometimes fall asleep on the couch while Heavenne is playing around. But I noticed that her daily adventures in the house is progressing a lot to new level each day- or how should I say that.

Four days ago, while Kenji and I were preparing dinner we noticed how quiet she is playing inside our room. However we never thought of checking what's going on, because we're used to expect the "tornado disaster" which makes it acceptable and normal for us. But I suddenly feel like I need to lie down on the bed for a while, so I got inside the room and noticed nothing different. After a while she came to me on the bed and showed some drawings on a piece of paper. I showed her my appreciation for her talent and gave some applause. She got so excited and told me how she liked to paint also, I said that's good we'll try painting sometimes. Then I thought that was the end of it, but she got more excited and said, "look I already did some paintings there, see? is it beautiful?" while pointing on the opposite wall. To my surprise, she used some lip gloss and lipstick and did some scribbling with it. I almost screamed, but she managed to cover my mouth quickly. Well we got so lucky on this disaster because our chemist knows how to remove stains from lipstick and lip gloss.

Today, I just fell asleep on our couch after having lunch. When I woke up, I was totally surprised to find a little creature with eye shadow of purple and matching nail polish on toe nails and finger nails too. You wouldn't guess, but if she used the lip gloss and lipstick to scribble on the wall, this time she used the permanent marker for her make up and nail polish. Anyway, she greeted me right away when she saw me opened my eye in astonishment, "Isn't it beautiful?" while posing so I can see clearly her work of art. Anyway, that is just the first, I'm still counting. I was chatting with my sister and she's back playing with her toys in the room again. Suddenly she called me and said she'll stay there and just play with her toys, and I said ok. Again after few minutes she came out of the room, dressed in layers of clothes which is not unusual, she sat on the couch and said she's baking cakes for us. Then I said ok again, and she run back on our room, and came back with lots of baby powder mixed with water on her cooking utensil toys- that's it, her very own cake recipe!

I'll still be counting, but this time I'll pay close attention to prevent humorous disasters, the day is not yet over!

Choices

Choices! A simple word, a verb that's always present, every second, minute, hour, and day of our life. When I was young, I had this feeling that I'm tired of studying, and I'm very eager to finish my education because I thought by then when I got a job I'll be freed from making choices and I could just live my life the way I envisioned it. WRONG! Being a grown up doesn't mean I'd be free from making choices and tests. As grown up, you'll be given more privilege and more responsibility to make choices. The choices we're faced kind of evolves too, the younger we are the choices are simple and it gets more complicated as we age. However there is a beauty in it, it is indeed a privilege and a gift to us. Right choices will make us happy and happier, wrong choices makes our life miserable and lead us to more problems and more complicated life.

In marriage, it is not enough to make one right choice. When we are young we are encouraged to make the right choice of marrying in the temple. But if we wanted a happy family life, we must understand that it does not only begin and end in the temple marriage ceremony. As we live our life, we are faced with many choices, often hard to make, hard to contemplate, hard to figure out what is right or wrong thing to do. And some of the most difficult choices often involves timer, when your timer's up and you haven't made your choice you don't only forfeit the possible score of being happy but you also have to face the consequence as if you made the wrong choice.

Choice can be a privilege to live a happy life, or it can be a hard task that could lead to devastation or miserable life. The way we take each choice determines how we should feel in the end. It determines our integrity as a person. Adversity is very cunning and will always try to tempt us or beguile us to choose wrong, but I'm grateful for the guiding principles given to us or the so called "standards" which guides us as we make some of the most important choices in our lives. The courage to make right choices in spite of what others may think, or say about us will make us feel proud and happy for our choices in the long run.

I love and adore the story about the 2000 stripling warriors. this is how they were described:

“They were exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity; but behold, this was not all—they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.

“Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him” (Alma 53:20–21).

and to think these warriors were young, inexperienced, and yet they fought with so much courage, faith and they were men of integrity. And through the way they conducted themselves, they frightened even their enemies.

The courage to make right choices is not dependent on age or any other status. It is a gift given to all of us no matter how young, or whatever our educational attainment maybe. From the choices we make we reap the consequences, and that will determine wherever we're going be it the right path to happiness and success or the path that leads to misery- it takes courage, its all our decision.

Who Wants To Be Rich?

If you ask people to raise their hands if they want to be rich, everyone will raise their hand. If you ask them who wants to receive money everyone will raise their hand. If you ask them who wants to work and earn money some will raise their hand. And still if you ask them, who wants to work hard to earn money, only few will raise their hand.

When I was young, I remember a story often told by my mother. It's about a red hen who found a grain of corn ready to be planted. She then asked her household members (A pig, a duck, and a cat) to help her plant the corn seeds, but no one dared to help her and they said they were all busy. So she planted the corn seeds by herself.

When it was time to water the corns, she asked her household again, "who wants to help me water the plants?", but no one dared help her, they all said they have things to do and they were busy.

The red hen did a great job taking care of the corn plants, and soon it was ready for harvest. She asked her household again if they could help her harvest the corn. But everyone said they can't help her and they have things to do. So the red hen, harvested all the corn and brought it in their kitchen.

The following day, she told her household members that she finished harvesting the corn and it is ready to be cooked. She asked them again who wants to help her cook the corns, the pig, the duck and the cat all said they were busy and can't help her in the kitchen. So the red hen cooked the corn by herself. And as soon as she's finished cooking she said, "its time to eat", and the kitchen smelled so good. The household members gathered together in the kitchen, the pig, duck, and cat. All of them wants to join with the red hen eat the delicious meal.

Hard work is a virtue. We cannot expect to be rich by the end of the year without hard work. Although adversity is very cunning, easy earned money which includes those from gambling will never give us the happiness and fulfillment from the rewards we get for working hard. I still believe that we are because of what we do, our choices, hard work, and perseverance are some of the things that determines success and happiness in life.

Everyone wants to be successful but only few becomes such. The problem with many is that they know what they wanted to be but they fail to establish their course by working hard on how to get to their goal. They know what they want and yet they feel its "too hard" and find many excuses not to finish what they've started, and some are even too lazy to start it.

There is beauty in work, there are lots of joy after work. As a mother, I discovered the limitless opportunity to use the hand and the mind, and it does bring so much joy to be able to create something.

There's so much opportunity to work, if we would open our minds and learn to love the beauty of hard work.

They said there is no royal road to education, and I believe the same thing is true with success. There is no easy way to be successful. Those who attained success are the ones who truly learned to love work, and who have forsaken idleness. We can find so much excuses not to work just like the cat, duck and the pig in the story, and in the end find ourselves starving. While those who worked really hard can enjoy something good and special, just like the red hen, from their hard work by the end of the day.

"Without hard work nothing grows but weeds".-G. Hinckley

Training Our Little Girl To Be Modest

Its been more than a year since my last post. Anyway some updates, Heavenne and I are back in Jeddah since November 2010 and we're expecting a baby boy soon, we found it out Dec. 27 - and considers it as the best gift of 2010 to our family. Although Hevyn is telling she really wants a baby sister,with a serious face, she has now accepted the fact that its a boy unlike before when she would sob every time we explain to her its a boy and not a girl.

She's a grown up girl now, we think she is, and she always surprises us with her humor and thoughts. Training and teaching her is becoming a real challenge now that she's learned to reason out. Most of the time she wants to do things herself, this is what we often hear from her, "I can do it by myself". Yes, she does most of the things by herself now, she wants to take a bath alone and wash herself; change her own clothes countless times a day; and use the computer, she even claims that the laptop is hers since the time she asked Kenji if she could have it, who noded and said yes because he didn't thought that her daughter is asking it seriously.

Few nights ago, we decided that we need to take a walk outside and Heavenne dressed up, as usual she picked her own dress. Kenji noticed that the dress is cute but too sexy, which I thought would be just fine because it's really humid outside. While the little girl is looking at herself in the mirror, posing this way and that which is cute for a little girl. The father decided we need to talk to the little girl and ask her to put something that would cover her back and arms and its not too early to teach a child how to dress modestly- and I agree with him. Thumbs up daddy!

I wonder what happened to the fashion now. Most girls would take modesty as old fashion. I highly respect those girls who could keep their way of clothing modest and still be fashionable. The way we dress up outside does reflect on our virtue and our values as an individual. When we watched the wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William, I noticed and adored how the royal family has preserved the elegance and modesty when it comes to fashion. That's the fashion that many women forgot as they cling to fads. I don't think the world needs to dictate what is beautiful based on how much we reveal our bodies. The high cost of textiles nowadays might also be the reason, but the value of each square inch on our body is worth covering too, and far more expensive than what you will spend on every yard of textile. Beauty is within every woman, it is in the way she conducts herself around people, it is in the words that comes out of her mouth, it is in her pure thoughts, and in the skills and talents she strive to develop, and it is on how she considers her body as a temple of God, how she treats it with respect and take care of her health. The way we dress sends a message to the world how much we value ourself, and our body. The rich and wise man doesn't flaunt with his treasures as he walk down the street, else he'll end up being robbed by it.

“Prophets of God have always counseled His children to dress modestly. The way you dress is a reflection of what you are on the inside. Your dress and grooming send messages about you to others and influence the way you and others act. When you are well groomed and modestly dressed, you invite the companionship of the Spirit and can exercise a good influence on those around you. …

“Immodest clothing includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, shirts that do not cover the stomach, and other revealing attire. Young women should wear clothing that covers the shoulder and avoid clothing that is low-cut in the front or the back or revealing in any other manner. Young men should also maintain modesty in their appearance. All should avoid extremes in clothing, appearance, and hairstyle. Always be neat and clean and avoid being sloppy or inappropriately casual in dress, grooming, and manners. Ask yourself, ‘Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s presence?’ ”
For the Strength of Youth (pamphlet, 2001), 14–16.

This song about virtue sang by Jenny Phillips is for our daughter, I hope you will find your way on it, and find your own way being beautiful.

The X-expat Life

Two days ago, I dreamed I was still in KSA, doing my daily routines in the house. Its hard to think that we're no longer living there, although the future gives a brighter hope for our small family. The place we used to call home is miles away and we're far from going back there or living in the same house if ever we got the chance to go back there.

Hevyn would still ask at times to go home, and we knew what she meant by that. Life seems very strange now, and it feels like our small family of three is floating homeless in our own country while we wait for our next destination wherever that maybe.

There are some who thinks that the life of an expat or OFW family is easy and would define it as comfort. Yet there are many sacrifices unseen by many who do not understand what it's like to live in a foreign land, adhere to their culture, and leave the place or places you've once called home. I envy the Filipinos who has the chance to stay and fortify with what they have. They don't have to leave anything behind, they don't have to move to a new place every now and then.

Right now, the most important lesson I learned is to hold on together as family no matter what happens and wherever the Lord brings us.

With whatever we have, the only way to be happy is to recognize and be grateful for the smallest blessing we are enjoying no matter how different our life maybe from what we desire it to be.

Leaving and Living

In less than a week our family will be leaving Saudi Arabia for good. And although living here may sound so tight for me, having to wear abaya and everything that prohibits a woman from doing so many things, I surely will miss this place. This has been our home for the last three years and I sooo love being here. I love the way it makes me feel safe, and respected.

I don't know if my daughter will ever remember living here, but this is the place where she was born. It seems like she doesn't have a clue why there are many boxes scattered in the house that was once neat and tidy looking. I know she will miss it here, her playmates and good friends. The place where many of her first first happened, first birthday, first step, first everything. And because its not that easy to come over here for a visit unless a family member works here, I'm not so sure if she or our family will ever see the place again. But the memories will always stay with us, this had been our home, our first home.

Last night we went to Al Rashid Mall to buy some stuffs and to take Hevyn for some rides in the amusement. We had good time, Hevyn rode the carousel which is her favorite. And before we went home we also had some pictures taken at a booth. We had a great quality time together and we're all tired by the time we got home, and we realized we forgot to buy the stuffs that we came for.

Wherever we go after this, will be another adventure for our small family. And as we leave, the memories will continue to live in our hearts with our friends that we also call our family in Saudi Arabia.