Friday, June 4, 2010

The X-expat Life

Two days ago, I dreamed I was still in KSA, doing my daily routines in the house. Its hard to think that we're no longer living there, although the future gives a brighter hope for our small family. The place we used to call home is miles away and we're far from going back there or living in the same house if ever we got the chance to go back there.

Hevyn would still ask at times to go home, and we knew what she meant by that. Life seems very strange now, and it feels like our small family of three is floating homeless in our own country while we wait for our next destination wherever that maybe.

There are some who thinks that the life of an expat or OFW family is easy and would define it as comfort. Yet there are many sacrifices unseen by many who do not understand what it's like to live in a foreign land, adhere to their culture, and leave the place or places you've once called home. I envy the Filipinos who has the chance to stay and fortify with what they have. They don't have to leave anything behind, they don't have to move to a new place every now and then.

Right now, the most important lesson I learned is to hold on together as family no matter what happens and wherever the Lord brings us.

With whatever we have, the only way to be happy is to recognize and be grateful for the smallest blessing we are enjoying no matter how different our life maybe from what we desire it to be.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Leaving and Living

In less than a week our family will be leaving Saudi Arabia for good. And although living here may sound so tight for me, having to wear abaya and everything that prohibits a woman from doing so many things, I surely will miss this place. This has been our home for the last three years and I sooo love being here. I love the way it makes me feel safe, and respected.

I don't know if my daughter will ever remember living here, but this is the place where she was born. It seems like she doesn't have a clue why there are many boxes scattered in the house that was once neat and tidy looking. I know she will miss it here, her playmates and good friends. The place where many of her first first happened, first birthday, first step, first everything. And because its not that easy to come over here for a visit unless a family member works here, I'm not so sure if she or our family will ever see the place again. But the memories will always stay with us, this had been our home, our first home.

Last night we went to Al Rashid Mall to buy some stuffs and to take Hevyn for some rides in the amusement. We had good time, Hevyn rode the carousel which is her favorite. And before we went home we also had some pictures taken at a booth. We had a great quality time together and we're all tired by the time we got home, and we realized we forgot to buy the stuffs that we came for.

Wherever we go after this, will be another adventure for our small family. And as we leave, the memories will continue to live in our hearts with our friends that we also call our family in Saudi Arabia.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

A Burden Not Ours To Carry

I realized I haven't updated my blog for almost a year, and maybe it's time to redeem it. Although I've been quite busy taking care of my baby who is now a little girl, I do miss the times when I simply feel like posting something here and I find time to do it.

For the last year, I have to admit, I felt terribly hurt by some people who I trusted, some people I almost consider as my family. My hubby who is my very best of best friends know everything about this and he's been the shoulder I cried on to for so many months, I'm more than grateful for having him, for his patience and counsels to help me get through this. He would always remind me to let things go, forget, and forgive, I would agree that he is right. And I also thought I had forgiven these people, but now I think I didn't. There were times I still feel terribly bad about what they did, and I would find reasons and excuses why they did it but could not find comfort in doing so. Why can't I just forgive and forget just like a child. My PPD added to what happened brought so much sadness and tears that I've been trying to conceal from those people around me.

A couple of months ago, I asked my hubby, why would the Lord command us to forgive our neighbor seventy times seven, we're not the one who sinned why give the commandment to us? Why not command those people to ask forgiveness to those they hurt? And why forgive if they haven't ask for forgiveness? Its not making much sense, because first of all you aren't the one who did wrong, its actually you who were hurt. And just as I ponder about it, I understood why. We were asked to forgive because the burden of the sin of other people isn't for us to carry. It's something we don't deserve to carry after all. Maybe that's why we are always counseled to "forGIVE" and "forGET". We have to GIVE that burden to the Lord as we obey his counsel to forgive, and when we do we will GET that peace and comfort for our sorrows. Now it doesn't sound unfair anymore, I know that that commandment is given to us for our own happiness. There is no other way to move on and ease the pains others have inflicted on us, but only through forgiving and forgetting their wrongs. I learned from this experience that we don't have to keep it in our hearts to grow into hatred, make us feel depressed or unhappy, it is something we have to let go, and we don't have to suffer more by carrying that burden with us.

I feel embarrassed as I write this, but I hope you'll learn something that might add up to the smile of happiness and peace in our lives in case there is someone you haven't forgiven yet.