Self Reliance: Key To Strengthening Families

Bread winner, family head... these are only two of the many names most OFWs represent. Many Filipinos doesn't understand the life and sacrifices of OFWs. And many are misinformed thinking that when a person works abroad they have unlimited flow of income. That is not true. But the truth is that they work hard, they work full time and sometimes they even have to find part time jobs to cover the expenses. 

We have known many OFWs who send 85-90% of their income back home to the Philippines -for their family and relatives to share.  And what's left to the OFW is a meager amount of money just enough to cover his food expenses for the entire month. There are also times that they have to resort to borrow money from someone in order to make ends meet. This cycle goes on and on until the OFW loses his job or goes for retirement. He comes back home with nothing, or perhaps some money enough to last for few months, and he also has debts. The worse part, they would sometimes receive feedback that they are not sending enough money or we all know it can be worse than this. 

I am also sure that this kind of situation is not only limited to OFWs but to many local workers in the Philippines as well. Those who are taking the responsibility as head of families, (yes I meant families, not family and you know why).

Filipinos, not only OFWs- are helpful specially to relatives, they are compassionate and selfless, to the point that we sometimes loose track of ourselves, our priorities and real responsibilities. Because they would take in all the responsibilities if they could. That is the way we show love for our extended family. But is this way good for them,  does it also build their welfare? 

Pick Just One

How many families can one person support? Raising one family is a big challenge and responsibility already, but how about those supporting not only one family but their relatives and other extended families as well. Should not our focus be the welfare of our immediate family. One of the best advise I heard is quoted this way, “therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife". What does this mean?
To be married takes a lot of responsibility, to have a successful family takes many long strides of fulfilling that responsibility. We needed to keep our focus primarily on our immediate family. Our spouse and our children. Cleaving is about making choices that reflect our priorities. Without appropriately leaving and appropriately cleaving, a couple can never expect to fully become one. It is always best to be together as a family and have your own space, even if what you can afford is just a small room.  I have seen and witnessed the difficulty a person experiences when they live under one roof with their in-laws. This kind of situation if not avoided can result to quarrel, family feud and misunderstanding. Our full responsibility is our wife or spouse and our children- their comfort (this is not limited to their needs but also what will make them happy) and their welfare (we have to think of their future). We are not obliged and it is not a responsibility to support our relatives who doesn't have work but we can help them without extending financial assistance,  by teaching them how to properly manage their finances, and to let them take responsibility for the choices they make- don't we all learn from the mistakes we make.

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other”. True enough, many families quarrel and end with broken marriages, unhappy spouses and family clashes.  

Strength and Weakness

We believe that a family could be made stronger if we focus on it. But once the mothers and fathers lose that focus, and take in the responsibility of another to support another family. Their support to their own family becomes divided thus making it weak. Those who have to support more than one family tend to spend more time looking for ways to earn extra income. They spend more time working so they can meet the needs of their family and those relatives who rely on them, rather than spending the time with their spouse and children.  If the mother and father in the home is solely focused on the comfort and welfare of their own family, they gain better capacity to provide for them and offer a much  better future for their children. While those who takes in the responsibility to support another family or relative, gets destructed on their focus and ends up being a weak support, that could result in a broken home and more problems.

We show our love through kindness and generosity that sometimes we are overdoing it to the peril of the one we're trying to help. They end up to be lazy and dependent. Unconsciously we are making them feel they are incapable of doing anything for themselves. We are trying to put into their minds that we are more blessed and great because were able to accomplish so much while they are waiting for the mercy of our help. They just have to wait what we will give them, because they will never be capable of achieving something as much as we do. They pity themselves for the circumstances they have, and misses the opportunity to experience how it is to accomplish something great.

Independence

Do you remember the first steps of a child or when you have to teach a child to ride a bike. We cannot teach independence if we will always hold on to them and never let go of their hands. It would be hard, but if we let our extended families depend on our help, we are depriving them the opportunity to grow, discover their talents and potential. We are depriving them to experience the joy of being able to achieve something, and provide for themselves. Let them fall if they must, that is the only way they will learn how to get up. A friend of mine said "We have to let them be in-charged in their lives, and let them live within their means...Very rarely, there will be emergencies, we can assist them but we should not relieve them of their responsibilities". 

Our culture made us think that turning our backs from relatives who are asking for help and support is selfishness. We are not abandoning them. We have to stop thinking that way. We have to stand by their side and be the voice of encouragement that will remind them and give them inspiration to keep going because we know they can do it. Teaching them to stand on their own feet, even if it has to be the hard way- is not selfishness. But that is the only way that will lead them to experience the joy and feeling of pride that can only come when you accomplish something after enduring hard work. And on our part it would also give us freedom to fully focus on our real responsibilities to our own family (spouse and children). 

Responsibility To Our Children

As parents, one of our responsibility is to teach our kids to work, that is the way we can have the assurance that they will be ok. We need to teach them the value of education it is their key to success. We may secure their future with money in trust funds they could survive life with that, but if they know how to work and how to be self reliant they will not only survive because they will be successful. 

It is also essential that we prepare for any their future in case something happens to us. No one would care better for our children than us parents. We needed to learn that extra money should not be spent all on our "wants" but we have to prepare for contingency- that will protect them and provide them with their needs in case they lose us. No person who has a family will take over to care for our child and make his/her needs their priority over their own kids. 

Duty to Ourselves/Spouse

As parents, we have duty to ourselves. We can have full time employment now, and earn more than enough to cover our needs. But the time will come that we will grow old, we will retire and we have to stop working. Our children will have their own families and their own children. They will be taking in responsibility to raise their own family. A French woman said, "parents will always be part of the family of their children". Grandparents should also think how their children can provide well for their grandchildren. As parents one of the best gifts we could give our children is to free them the obligation to support us. We know they will love us, we know they will be there. And if we prepare now, we will make it easier for them to fulfill their responsibilities to the family that they will have, so that they can also focus on providing well for our grandchildren.

Ways To Earn and Be Financially Self-Reliant

We always think that getting a job for our relatives who needs our constant assistance is the key. I would like to say it is not true. There are many full time housewives who manage to earn money without leaving their home. I am one of them and I didn't have capital nor did I have to pay anything to do it. 

I have done part time shopping job, I kept a blog with my husband and earned through it from advertisers. The money we receive from this jobs has been put together with the savings from his monthly salary and have invested it in stocks, mutual fund and use a fraction for trading. We believe that this will not only help us manage our current finances, but will also prepare us for our retirement. There are also websites like Odesk.com where you can sign up and they offer many contractual jobs from article writing, virtual assistant and countless more. 

You can learn skills using youtube. Google is a best friend you can always ask when you want something. He can suggest other free websites that have great tutorials and videos for any specific skill you may want to learn. I have learned how to bake and decorate cake, sew simple dresses for my daughter and pajamas for my boy. We followed tutorials to make holiday crafts that saved us a lot of money specially on birthdays when we don't have to buy store bought cake. Those skills had also became source of income to us when friends asks me to make some cake for special occasions. The things you could learn using the technology is unlimited and you just have to be diligent in searching and be patient in learning. We are all born to learn, all things can be learned. No body acquired their knowledge, talents and skills at birth, we acquired it because we chose to learn it while growing up. 

Some creative people do crafts and sell their product online.  I have a high school classmate that is good in crocheting, she has used the social media to get customers and pre-order products that she creatively make with her own hands. There were some who cater food. 

A friend shared a story about her son who doesn't know to cook not even an egg, but is now one of those well-paid chefs in France. He started by cutting onions, tomatoes and vegetables. He almost gave up. But his parents told him he couldn't stay home playing on the computer all the time. And that if he wouldn't work he wouldn't eat. He had no choice but to continue working. Until he learned so many things in the cuisine, deboning salmon, making deserts and then later he was hired by Italian chef and learned more about Italian food. He didn't earn a diploma as a chef but he worked with a team of chefs who graduated from a prestigious school for the chefs in France, and was well paid. Soon he will be managing his own business. Each one in their family is now financially self-reliant. All of them enjoys a very comfortable life. Their mother taught them well to work hard and gave them the freedom to manage their finances, she proudly said they eat out as family but they split the bill, they don't relieve them of their responsibility to provide for their personal needs, and at the same time they have the freedom to manage their finances for their future. 

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Family is the basic unit of every society. If our country has to improve, we have to start it within the walls of our home. What our nation needs are strong families. We can strengthen it if each member of the family will take responsibility. If we want success in the family, each one has to do their own duties and obligations. We have to help each other by not passing on to another the weight of our responsibility. We cannot leave all the responsibility to just one person, and expect a good result. 

Leaving and Living

In less than a week our family will be leaving Saudi Arabia for good. And although living here may sound so tight for me, having to wear abaya and everything that prohibits a woman from doing so many things, I surely will miss this place. This has been our home for the last three years and I sooo love being here. I love the way it makes me feel safe, and respected.

I don't know if my daughter will ever remember living here, but this is the place where she was born. It seems like she doesn't have a clue why there are many boxes scattered in the house that was once neat and tidy looking. I know she will miss it here, her playmates and good friends. The place where many of her first first happened, first birthday, first step, first everything. And because its not that easy to come over here for a visit unless a family member works here, I'm not so sure if she or our family will ever see the place again. But the memories will always stay with us, this had been our home, our first home.

Last night we went to Al Rashid Mall to buy some stuffs and to take Hevyn for some rides in the amusement. We had good time, Hevyn rode the carousel which is her favorite. And before we went home we also had some pictures taken at a booth. We had a great quality time together and we're all tired by the time we got home, and we realized we forgot to buy the stuffs that we came for.

Wherever we go after this, will be another adventure for our small family. And as we leave, the memories will continue to live in our hearts with our friends that we also call our family in Saudi Arabia.

‘When Is Success a Failure?’

When Is Success a Failure?

President Hugh B. Brown

When you are doing the lower while the higher is

possible,

When you are not a cleaner, finer, larger man on

account of your work,

When you live only to eat and drink, have a good time,

and accumulate money, then success is a failure.

When you do not carry a higher wealth in your

character than in your pocketbook,

When the attainment of your ambition has blighted the

aspirations and crushed the hopes of others,

When hunger for more money, more land, more houses

and bonds has grown to be your dominant passion,

When your profession has made you a physical wreck—

a victim of ‘nerves’ and moods,

When your absorption in your work has made you

practically a stranger to your family,

When your greed for money has darkened and cramped

your wife’s life, and deprived her of self-expression, of

needed rest and recreation, of amusement of any kind,

When all sympathy and fellowship have been crushed out

of your life by selfish devotion to your vocation,

When you do not overtop your vocation,

When you are not greater as a man than as a lawyer, a merchant, a

physician or a scientist,

When you plead that you have never had time to

cultivate your friendships, your politeness, or your good manners,

When you have lost on your way your self-respect, your

courage, your self-control, or any other quality of

manhood, then success has been a failure.

(In Conference Report, Apr. 1969, 113.)

Another Weird Dream

Sleeping seemed so hard for me the past few weeks. I don't know why I can't get myself to sleep although I feel really tired and sleepy. Anyway, I miss being able to sleep and dreaming. The last dream I had is kind of weird. I'm writing it here as a counsel from dh to write down all the dreams I can remember each night. lol. Ask him why, every time I wake up I have one or more stories to tell from the dreams I had. 

Of course this dream has something to do with the 72 hour kit just like the previous dreams I had. In my dream I can see New York City, although I've never been there, I can see four nuclear power plants at the same time and all those four started to melt-down and there's a big explosion. Then news started flashing on tv about it telling that the radioactive wave has reached Thailand and almost 3/4 of the earth is affected. In my dream we( dh, hevyn, and me) happened to be having our vacation in the Philippines and we're safe but we're warned to be alert, stay together and be ready for any possibilities. Also I didn't worry much about my 72 hour kit, having it right beside. And when I woke up, I told dh about it, and asked him how many nuc power plants are there in NY. He advised me to google it and to my surprise there are four just like in my dream, of course its just a coincidence. Again a product of my not too wild imagination,  and worries. 

I'm happy that we have our 72 hour kit ready, but to be prepared means more than the 72 hour kit, I know its important to stay together and be ready in all things as family. If our family has to stay together we have to do things together in unity. Our preparedness always starts with our family. 

 Elder Henry B. Eyring said: "In our own time, we have been warned with counsel on where to find safety from sin and from sorrow. One of the keys to recognizing those warnings is that they are repeated. . . . When the words of the prophets seem repetitive, that should rivet our attention and fill our hearts with gratitude to live in such a blessed time.

"Looking for the path to safety in the counsel of prophets makes sense to those with strong faith."

How grateful I am for the leaders that we have to guide and counsel us.Happiness is when we obey the Lord and the counsel of his servants, there is no other way to be truly happy except when we try to live a righteous life.

We often talk about how uncertain things seem to be these times, global crisis and slipping moral footings.  Those who stand for their beliefs and fought in defending their values find themselves picketed, ridiculed or persecuted by so doing, I'm happy we found this place where we can find common moral values with the Muslims. 

 As Pres. Monson said "It would be easy to become discouraged and cynical about the future—or even fearful or what might come—if we allowed ourselves to dwell on only which is wrong in the world and in our lives" 

"My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith."

I think the best thing we can do, is to continue doing what we know is right, continue in faith, and stand firm in our values and for what is right. Wherever we are in world, there is no other place we can trust to be safest other than our homes, with our families and the key is to strengthen it and keep each one united. Nothing can influence our children more than what we teach and do inside our homes.

Back Again

Yup, I'm back and to those who thought I abandoned my blog- I didn't. We switched to another internet/dsl line which took more than a month, sigh, so today I'm scrubbing my in-box and I know this is the most late holiday greeting, but I still want to say it here, I hope everyone had merry Christmas and happy 2009, happy Chinese new year too, and happy Valentine's Day. For those who visited my blog and for your kind comments thank you.

A lot of things happened for the almost two months when I was missing in the blogosphere... lets start with the little darling  who will be turning 10 months tomorrow. She's never as active as she is now, crawling most of the time, holding on the edges of every furniture as she tries to walk on her own... and not to forget, she has her two lower-front teeth and she uses it to wake up her father by biting him on his nose, lol, poor kenji. Her first word aside from "mama","papa", or "dada" is flower and she pronounces it as "flo-wa". I also learned some new recipes during the holiday, and I'm glad I can now cook roasted chicken, and I'm still learning my baking skills for cakes and bread. Hubby says my cooking is doing better, its so nice that he can tolerate it even at times that I myself can't understand the taste of the food I cook. haha. 

For the last two days the sand storm is really really terrible, my sinusitis hurts really bad yesterday coupled with severe headache and sore throat. Thanks to dh for taking care of me, and I feel so much better today. Hevyn is still sleeping and would probably wake up around 11:30 or 12 noon, I better cook my lunch now.... until next post. :-)

She Call's Him Papapa

Hevyn turned 6 months last Oct. 15. She's now a talkative darling. I don't know how she learned it, on her fourth month she first said "mama" while we we're staring at the closet mirror with Winnie the Pooh sticker. She touched the sticker and said "mama"- obviously that's not "mama", but at least she learned now that I am "mama". When she turned 5 months, she became more talkative and seemed to immitate a conversation with us by mumbling (really sounds like she's conversing with us). That's when she learned how to call her father "papapa" in a very sweet darling tone as if saying "helo". Since she's a baby, we're trying to teach her to call him "dada", but this is how she wanted to call him "papapa"....

We co-sleep by the way, and every morning she wakes up she would touch my face and hold my messy hair and say "mama, mama". How sweet, it just feels like heaven to wake up this way. In the afternoon, my dh also takes a nap once he gets home and Hevyn does the same to him, of course he wouldn't be able to sleep. Her sweetness just makes us want to play with her more.

Home is truly a heaven on earth. I couldn't ask for more. I'm grateful for my dear husband who's working really hard to sustain us with our needs. Of course I could choose to work prestigiously as an accountant here. But its truly a blessing to be a stay at home wife and be able to take care of my families needs personally,  see my daughter grow each day and be there for her anytime she needs me.  

Finally 3-Months

Yesterday my little angel reached three months! She's growing up too fast, and I always tell my husband how I wish she will remain a baby forever. But I know that is so unfair for her, and I cannot withhold to her that right. Right now, we are enjoying every moment with her, seeing her grow.

She is a very talkative baby now, and would always respond to us in her baby talk manner which we cannot understand but is very fascinating! Last night, she keeps on kicking, mumbling, and laughing till 3:00am today, I don't know what she is up to but she seems to be telling her story to me.

Very first picture right few minutes after delivery. She seems to be smilling isn't she?

...close up pic the following morning Apr. 16 11:25am

...and another pose, isn't that cute?

...another pose with dad, as he said "friendster pose"

...barely one month old

...first captured laugh

...my pretty princess posing a smile.

...I'm still sorting her pics and will update this post next time.

Sick Domestic Goddess

Cleaning the house, cookling meals, doing the chores, nursing my baby...a lot more keeps me busy each day. But last week, we were moving things to our new room in the apartment we're renting. I faced my enemy, dust and heat, as I clean the entire apartment. It's been a long day for us. At the end of the day, I was feeling really exhausted with all the cleaning and moving of things, and I had dry cough already. DH was already worried, but I keep on reminding him, I've never been sick for more than a year already and if I get mild cough that's enough to prove I'm still human, lol. The following day, we went to church, the heat of the sun and sand storm made it worse. We arrive home on the afternoon and I felt my throat is getting sore already.
I started eating lots of oranges and citruss fruits.

I was more worried about my two month old baby if she caught my cough, so I asked DH to give a blessing on both of us. By midnight, I had a very painful throat, dry cough, difficult breathing and fever, thankfully my daughter hasn't caught it and is perfectly healthy.

Because I am sick, my dear husband decided to be absent at work and take care of me and our baby. Well, I'm blessed enough to have a husband like him. He pampered me whole day with the "name what you want to eat", and "let me do it for you" stuffs. By noon, my fever was gone.

What I'm thankful for is for the blessings he gave to me and our daughter, it didn't took so long to be sick domestic goddess because of his blessings and the way he takes care of me.

Life is so wonderful. Trully nothing can compensate for a loving husband and a happy home, it simply makes everything easier to take.