Sunday, March 17, 2013

What Better Use Of Spare Time

The other day, we had another interesting conversation with some friends. I was intrigued about what was shared about time. How time can be used in vain doing nothing, and how we could also use our time doing something productive for ourselves, or a better use could be doing something better to serve others and develop the virtue in our self.

All of us wanted to live each day and be a better person. We choose to do things we like, some would rather choose to do productive things and be crafty, some choose to give their time to others by service.   Most of my time in a day is spent with my kids in the house, once the kids go on their afternoon nap- that's my time out/ break time. What do I do with my extra time when that happens? Here are some; I wash the laundry, clean the floor, the washing area, or bake some cake- it's my stress reliever. About two months ago, I was constantly whining, well I am still whining at times. I did a self evaluation and realized I lived more than a quarter century in this world and I want to be able to contribute something really really good to the community and start something. I whine because I blame it for being here and living in a box of sand where I feel so much deprived as woman.  Association with other women here almost seem impossible, I wish I could be as creative as my husband who could always make a group and find something meaningful to do together for others who are in need, or do something for the environment here. There's just too much that could be done here but my feelings towards starting something are described in these words: "scared, deprived, underprivileged". But if I could have a time out and be as free as woman can be in other parts of the world, I really want to do some environmental and welfare work. I wanted to come out during the day and start campaigning or rally around so they will stop cutting the branches of those bushes and few trees around, or limit the use of those plastic bags in the supermarket and encourage people to bring a reusable shopping bag;  I want to rally or make awareness campaign about smoking and file petition to ban smoking inside the malls or shopping centers in Saudi because it is very unhealthy and even kids health are posed to the health danger of it every time they go to the malls. There are so much more! Thinking realistic and feasible, what better thing could I do now? I realized the best thing I could do is spend time with my kids and have a meaningful relationship with them,    teach them the things I know, and hope someday what I taught them will be the legacy I could leave not only for them but also for my posterity. So, yes we're starting a mini garden in our small patio, and we're recycling those empty water bottles - we're doing as part of our playtime.  ;-)

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Responsible Parenthood

I am not sure if everyone will agree with me on this post. This is just part of what I am seeing around me, and this may or may not apply to some. I don't mean to offend anyone. This are my thoughts and what I hope to do in our family.

Last night, we happened to talk about a family friend who happened to be so kind sharing with us the news how happy they are that their two older kids are graduating from college. Both the parents really worked hard to send their kids to a nice school and have provided them well, it is all worth all the sweat and sacrifices seeing the two graduate college. My husband kidded them that soon they will be touring around the world to enjoy and enjoy their retirement money. I but in to him and said the youngest is still young and will take another decade to graduate from college.

In the Philippines, it has been part of the culture to let the older kids take care of their younger sibling's schooling once they graduated and found a job. It's like the parents are being released from their duty or responsibility to provide for their younger kids, and a way for the older kids to show their gratitude for providing for their education by taking responsibility on their younger siblings schooling needs. When I was working, most of the single co-workers are worrying about their siblings tuition that are assumed to them, there are also some who have family already but are still fulfilling that duty to provide for the schooling needs of their siblings and sometimes even their extended family. I have nothing against about helping, specially siblings taking care of each other. But I don't like the idea of passing on to children the responsibility of sending their younger siblings to school.

In my opinion, it is the duty and responsibility of parents to provide for their kids, and being able to send the older kids to school doesn't relieve us of our duty to provide well for our younger children. As parents we need to plan how we can fulfill our financial responsibility as parents not for the mean time while we still have good source of income but for time until our children could reach the right age and be independent and mature enough to provide well for themselves.

I thought, maybe one reason why Filipinos don't get that successful is because of this cultural traditions. Filipinos are so talented, they get jobs around the world. They could make a lot in their early years, but the money they are earning usually goes to support their family -and  extended family too. Imagine what a person gets to in order to fulfill his responsibility of providing for two or more families. Usually the older sibling, or the smartest person who gets a good paying job have to assume responsibility in providing for the needs and cater to the whims of their younger siblings and extended family, they become what is called "the breadwinner".

Of course the breadwinner who assumes the responsibility becomes more hardworking, more independent, and more responsible- but could they save enough, and be prepared so when they start their own family. Or when they have their own kids, had they saved enough for the schooling and financial welfare of their own kids to support them all, or will they also pass the responsibility to the eldest child after his/her college.

On the other hand, there are those who gets the benefit provided for the by the hardworking people. Not all, but many become bummer- because they know someone will be sending and giving them allowances by the end of the month, and who would want to get out of their comfort zone? Some become irresponsible specially in managing their finances, because they don't know or realize the value of the money they are spending. They usually take pity on themselves, thinking and comparing how lucky the "breadwinner" is for being smart and having a good paying job. And here I pity the breadwinner for not being able to plan ahead and save for his future. He gets married and realizes that he hasn't saved anything even after a decade of work. By the time he starts his own family he will have to provide for  his family and extended family, and what do we have to say if the spouse have to do the same to her extended family too.

And our generation of bummers and hardworking breadwinners tribe together in amensalism.

In my point of view, family should be there and help each other in their needs. If our generation will start to focus on the welfare and well being of the next generation- our children. Maybe we could be more prepared for the future, we can be more prepared in giving the best to our children. We could teach our children more to be responsible and independent; to save and plan for their future too. And when the time comes then they can focus more about their own families needs.

In life's survival, it is easier to run with each other rather than run while carrying or dragging the other. Let's teach our children to run side by side with each other, not the stronger one to carry the other. We as parents could teach our kids hard work and let them learn how to provide for themselves. Let our kids experience hard work and sacrifice, this way they can taste success sweeter than what they think it is.

And for ourselves, let's prepare for our retirement. Just think of how hard it is to raise a family, how much more could it be if we have to worry and raise extended families. To teach our children to be responsible and independent is something we owe to them so they could focus on the family they will raise. In our part  we can enjoy old age, debt free, and with peace also that if we pass away all our children will be in good standing. And we have done our duty and financial responsibility to them, and have not passed it to their siblings.

I don't want to imagine my eldest daughter Hevyn working and providing for the education of her sibling/s. When the time comes that she is able to work, I hope she will focus on preparing for herself and her own family's future. I hope we can save, invest and prepare well for our retirement, so we don't have to bug our children and their family about our financial needs for our old age. I hope more Filipinos will do the same, and the next generation could focus more on building their own homes and having stronger families, more independent and successful individuals.