Happiness In Marriage

There are so many things I do miss for the last two years of being here in the Middle East with dh. First is the Temple, the place where we got married. Second is the singles ward where I used to attend and the institute classes. Third lots of friends and family members. Fourth, lots of foods specially young coconut (buko) and more.

We're trying to resolve on each one. We decided to go on vacation before the end of this year so we could go and visit the temple,  see our friends and families, and eat the foods I miss. There's nothing better than being physically present in an institute class, but for now I'm trying to read some of the online institute student manual. 

I came accross Elder Joe J. Christensen's thought about marriage from the Eternal Marriage Studen Manual, and I want to post it here. He shared eight practical suggestions to strengthening marriages and I also added some of my thoughts on each one.

1. Remember the central importance of your marriage.-

“There is nothing in this world as important as the creation and perfection of family units” (“Salvation Is a Family Affair,” Improvement Era, June 1970, pp. 43–44).

What could be more important than marriage,  our family must always be at the top of our priorities.

2. Pray for its success.- 

  Elder Kimball shared this wise counsel: “Well, don’t just pray to marry the one you love. Instead, pray to love the one you marry. ”

And so the need to pray. Many Church leaders and marriage counselors indicate that they have not seen one marriage in serious trouble where the couple was still praying together daily. When problems arise and marriages are threatened, praying together as a couple may be the most important remedy.

Its explained well and I agree 100%. I remember when we got married, my honorable Grandma and Grandpa Meyer wrote on their letter to us: "Be kind to one another and talk over any disagreement. That way no ill feelings build up. Keep it friendly and never go to bed unhappy".  When time comes that you don't feel like talking to each other, its the best time to ask your partner to kneel down and pray. Prayer changes the way you feel, and it enlightens us to understand each other. 

3. Listen.- 

Make the time to listen to your spouse; even schedule it regularly. Visit with each other and assess how you are doing as a marriage partner.

Do you do family counsel? Family home evening? Every monday evening all things are set aside in our home. We sit together as a family, sing hymns, and talk about improving ourselves, resolving concerns and problems. 

4. Avoid “ceaseless pinpricking.”- 

Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our leaders have urged us to become.At times it       is better to leave some things unsaid.

The problem with me is that I leave things unsaid almost all the time, you know the quiet type when you're mad or hurt. When we often leave things unsaid, as kenji said, you can't resolve the matter and it keeps on being repeated. We have to find way to communicate in a nice way, and if you can't go back to number 2.

5.Keep your courtship alive.-

Make time to do things together—just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling.

It doesn’t need to be costly. The time together is the most important element.

Once when my father-in-law was leaving the house after lunch to return to the field to work, my        mother-in-law said, “Albert, you get right back in here and tell me you love me.” He grinned and      jokingly said, “Elsie, when we were married, I told you I loved you, and if that ever changes, I’ll        let you know.” It’s hard to overuse the expression “I love you.” Use it daily.

We always have a night out, but not 'just the two of us'. I wonder if this applies if you have one year old. I think we should start looking for someone where we could leave Hevyn so we could go on a date together.

6. Be quick to say, “I’m sorry.”-

As hard as it is to form the words, be swift to say, “I apologize, and please forgive me,” even though you are not the one who is totally at fault. True love is developed by those who are willing       to readily admit personal mistakes and offenses.

When differences do arise, being able to discuss and resolve them is important, but there are instances when it is best to take a time-out. Biting your tongue and counting to ten or even a hundred is important. And occasionally, even letting the sun go down on your wrath can help bring you back to the problem in the morning more rested, calm, and with a better chance for resolution.

Dh is good at this, no question. I really admire him for being so humble, apologizing even if it isn't his fault. 

7. Learn to live within your means.- 

Some of the most difficult challenges in marriage arise in the area of finances. “The American     Bar Association . . . indicated that 89 percent of all divorces could be traced to quarrels and         accusations over money” (M. J. Ashton, “One for the Money,” Ensign, July1975,).

Be willing to postpone or forgo some purchases in order to stay within your budget.

Pay your tithing first, and avoid debt insofar as possible. Remember that spending fifty dollars a      month less than you receive equals happiness and spending fifty more equals misery. The time may have come to get out the scissors and your credit cards and perform what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland called some “plastic surgery” ( “Things We Have Learned— Together,” Ensign,)

Heads high on this. We don't have any credit card at all. And we agreed, never to quarrel about finances. Let your husband try  do the budgetting, at least he'll have an idea of the actual financial needs of his family, his role is to provide for the family at least get him involved in this. You'll be surprised, it will make him more responsible financially.

8. Be a true partner in home and family responsibilities.- 

Don’t be like the husband who sits around home expecting to be waited on, feeling that earning the living is his chore and that his wife alone is responsible for the house and taking care of the children. The task of caring for home and family is more than one person’s responsibility.

Find time to study the scriptures together, and follow this sound counsel from President

Kenji, thanks for washing the dishes every night. 

I've known a lot of brethren who do things in the house, who's willing to work specially in the kitchen. These are the men we should admire. They're not lazy and not stubborn, specially when you ask them for help in the household chores. 

As Pres. Kimball said:  “When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste, mentally and physically, . . . and both are working together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle” ( Marriage and Divorce [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1976], p. 24).