Leaving and Living

In less than a week our family will be leaving Saudi Arabia for good. And although living here may sound so tight for me, having to wear abaya and everything that prohibits a woman from doing so many things, I surely will miss this place. This has been our home for the last three years and I sooo love being here. I love the way it makes me feel safe, and respected.

I don't know if my daughter will ever remember living here, but this is the place where she was born. It seems like she doesn't have a clue why there are many boxes scattered in the house that was once neat and tidy looking. I know she will miss it here, her playmates and good friends. The place where many of her first first happened, first birthday, first step, first everything. And because its not that easy to come over here for a visit unless a family member works here, I'm not so sure if she or our family will ever see the place again. But the memories will always stay with us, this had been our home, our first home.

Last night we went to Al Rashid Mall to buy some stuffs and to take Hevyn for some rides in the amusement. We had good time, Hevyn rode the carousel which is her favorite. And before we went home we also had some pictures taken at a booth. We had a great quality time together and we're all tired by the time we got home, and we realized we forgot to buy the stuffs that we came for.

Wherever we go after this, will be another adventure for our small family. And as we leave, the memories will continue to live in our hearts with our friends that we also call our family in Saudi Arabia.

A Burden Not Ours To Carry

I realized I haven't updated my blog for almost a year, and maybe it's time to redeem it. Although I've been quite busy taking care of my baby who is now a little girl, I do miss the times when I simply feel like posting something here and I find time to do it.

For the last year, I have to admit, I felt terribly hurt by some people who I trusted, some people I almost consider as my family. My hubby who is my very best of best friends know everything about this and he's been the shoulder I cried on to for so many months, I'm more than grateful for having him, for his patience and counsels to help me get through this. He would always remind me to let things go, forget, and forgive, I would agree that he is right. And I also thought I had forgiven these people, but now I think I didn't. There were times I still feel terribly bad about what they did, and I would find reasons and excuses why they did it but could not find comfort in doing so. Why can't I just forgive and forget just like a child. My PPD added to what happened brought so much sadness and tears that I've been trying to conceal from those people around me.

A couple of months ago, I asked my hubby, why would the Lord command us to forgive our neighbor seventy times seven, we're not the one who sinned why give the commandment to us? Why not command those people to ask forgiveness to those they hurt? And why forgive if they haven't ask for forgiveness? Its not making much sense, because first of all you aren't the one who did wrong, its actually you who were hurt. And just as I ponder about it, I understood why. We were asked to forgive because the burden of the sin of other people isn't for us to carry. It's something we don't deserve to carry after all. Maybe that's why we are always counseled to "forGIVE" and "forGET". We have to GIVE that burden to the Lord as we obey his counsel to forgive, and when we do we will GET that peace and comfort for our sorrows. Now it doesn't sound unfair anymore, I know that that commandment is given to us for our own happiness. There is no other way to move on and ease the pains others have inflicted on us, but only through forgiving and forgetting their wrongs. I learned from this experience that we don't have to keep it in our hearts to grow into hatred, make us feel depressed or unhappy, it is something we have to let go, and we don't have to suffer more by carrying that burden with us.

I feel embarrassed as I write this, but I hope you'll learn something that might add up to the smile of happiness and peace in our lives in case there is someone you haven't forgiven yet.

As Elder James Faust said : "If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being."

‘When Is Success a Failure?’

When Is Success a Failure?

President Hugh B. Brown

When you are doing the lower while the higher is

possible,

When you are not a cleaner, finer, larger man on

account of your work,

When you live only to eat and drink, have a good time,

and accumulate money, then success is a failure.

When you do not carry a higher wealth in your

character than in your pocketbook,

When the attainment of your ambition has blighted the

aspirations and crushed the hopes of others,

When hunger for more money, more land, more houses

and bonds has grown to be your dominant passion,

When your profession has made you a physical wreck—

a victim of ‘nerves’ and moods,

When your absorption in your work has made you

practically a stranger to your family,

When your greed for money has darkened and cramped

your wife’s life, and deprived her of self-expression, of

needed rest and recreation, of amusement of any kind,

When all sympathy and fellowship have been crushed out

of your life by selfish devotion to your vocation,

When you do not overtop your vocation,

When you are not greater as a man than as a lawyer, a merchant, a

physician or a scientist,

When you plead that you have never had time to

cultivate your friendships, your politeness, or your good manners,

When you have lost on your way your self-respect, your

courage, your self-control, or any other quality of

manhood, then success has been a failure.

(In Conference Report, Apr. 1969, 113.)

Ripples Of Life's Decision

Life is full of choices. It allows us to be happy, and to learn right from wrong. No matter how insignificant we may think those choices are, the consiquences of it will always have a rippling effect on the eternity of our life. 

At an early childhood, I was thought that I must not drink coffee or tea. The things I partake can either benefit or harm my body and I have to be wise on it. As a Latter Day-Saint, I know what to do when the time comes and somebody offer me alcoholic beverage, or asked me to smoke, or partake of anything which can be harmful for my body. A friend of mine asked me to drink tea one time when we were eating at Tokyo Tokyo, and she's briving me she won't tell anybody and she'll give me one thousand pesos if I do. That I have to think of (haha), but I had made my decision prior to the offer, and I must stick to it. I'm grateful for that decision, I'm blessed with good health, aside from minor cough, cold, or flu, I experienced nothing soo serious about my health.

When I was in college, I had a very meager allowance, its not more than a thousand pesos monthly ( year 2001). I had packed lunch everyday, and I try to be as thrifty as I could. I also decided, that I must pay my tithing as soon as I receive it. There are times that I know it'll never be enough to meet the expenses, I don't know how but I was never in financial debt. I was able to buy some things I wanted at the end of the month.

We gain friends on our journey, they always come and go. I witnessed how some stopped coming to church simply to avoid someone who offended them. Right then, I promised myself, no matter what people do, no matter how hurtful it maybe for me, I will stay in the church and never be offended. So far, I never had been offended, and if I do one day, I know there will only be one place where I can gather strength... my home and the church inseparable. 

As part of the  Young Women organization in the church, almost eight years ago. My teachers taught me how important family is, that our family can be together forever for all eternity. I know there can be something more than "till death do us part" when we marry, and I wanted it to be "for all time and all eternity". I understand a standard must be set when dating, the kind of people you date, definitely has something to do with the kind of person you will marry. The choice of whom I will date, and  many more has helped me finally find my eternal companion now. We now have our one year old daughter and when I look at her and hold her I know she'll be a part of me forever, for all eternity and so is my eternal companion. 

There are still lots of choices to make. No matter how difficult the choices maybe, it is choosing the right one that leads us to the abundant blessings in life. When we prove ourselves in doing what's right, we prove ourselves worthy of these blessings.

Happiness In Marriage

There are so many things I do miss for the last two years of being here in the Middle East with dh. First is the Temple, the place where we got married. Second is the singles ward where I used to attend and the institute classes. Third lots of friends and family members. Fourth, lots of foods specially young coconut (buko) and more.

We're trying to resolve on each one. We decided to go on vacation before the end of this year so we could go and visit the temple,  see our friends and families, and eat the foods I miss. There's nothing better than being physically present in an institute class, but for now I'm trying to read some of the online institute student manual. 

I came accross Elder Joe J. Christensen's thought about marriage from the Eternal Marriage Studen Manual, and I want to post it here. He shared eight practical suggestions to strengthening marriages and I also added some of my thoughts on each one.

1. Remember the central importance of your marriage.-

“There is nothing in this world as important as the creation and perfection of family units” (“Salvation Is a Family Affair,” Improvement Era, June 1970, pp. 43–44).

What could be more important than marriage,  our family must always be at the top of our priorities.

2. Pray for its success.- 

  Elder Kimball shared this wise counsel: “Well, don’t just pray to marry the one you love. Instead, pray to love the one you marry. ”

And so the need to pray. Many Church leaders and marriage counselors indicate that they have not seen one marriage in serious trouble where the couple was still praying together daily. When problems arise and marriages are threatened, praying together as a couple may be the most important remedy.

Its explained well and I agree 100%. I remember when we got married, my honorable Grandma and Grandpa Meyer wrote on their letter to us: "Be kind to one another and talk over any disagreement. That way no ill feelings build up. Keep it friendly and never go to bed unhappy".  When time comes that you don't feel like talking to each other, its the best time to ask your partner to kneel down and pray. Prayer changes the way you feel, and it enlightens us to understand each other. 

3. Listen.- 

Make the time to listen to your spouse; even schedule it regularly. Visit with each other and assess how you are doing as a marriage partner.

Do you do family counsel? Family home evening? Every monday evening all things are set aside in our home. We sit together as a family, sing hymns, and talk about improving ourselves, resolving concerns and problems. 

4. Avoid “ceaseless pinpricking.”- 

Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our leaders have urged us to become.At times it       is better to leave some things unsaid.

The problem with me is that I leave things unsaid almost all the time, you know the quiet type when you're mad or hurt. When we often leave things unsaid, as kenji said, you can't resolve the matter and it keeps on being repeated. We have to find way to communicate in a nice way, and if you can't go back to number 2.

5.Keep your courtship alive.-

Make time to do things together—just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling.

It doesn’t need to be costly. The time together is the most important element.

Once when my father-in-law was leaving the house after lunch to return to the field to work, my        mother-in-law said, “Albert, you get right back in here and tell me you love me.” He grinned and      jokingly said, “Elsie, when we were married, I told you I loved you, and if that ever changes, I’ll        let you know.” It’s hard to overuse the expression “I love you.” Use it daily.

We always have a night out, but not 'just the two of us'. I wonder if this applies if you have one year old. I think we should start looking for someone where we could leave Hevyn so we could go on a date together.

6. Be quick to say, “I’m sorry.”-

As hard as it is to form the words, be swift to say, “I apologize, and please forgive me,” even though you are not the one who is totally at fault. True love is developed by those who are willing       to readily admit personal mistakes and offenses.

When differences do arise, being able to discuss and resolve them is important, but there are instances when it is best to take a time-out. Biting your tongue and counting to ten or even a hundred is important. And occasionally, even letting the sun go down on your wrath can help bring you back to the problem in the morning more rested, calm, and with a better chance for resolution.

Dh is good at this, no question. I really admire him for being so humble, apologizing even if it isn't his fault. 

7. Learn to live within your means.- 

Some of the most difficult challenges in marriage arise in the area of finances. “The American     Bar Association . . . indicated that 89 percent of all divorces could be traced to quarrels and         accusations over money” (M. J. Ashton, “One for the Money,” Ensign, July1975,).

Be willing to postpone or forgo some purchases in order to stay within your budget.

Pay your tithing first, and avoid debt insofar as possible. Remember that spending fifty dollars a      month less than you receive equals happiness and spending fifty more equals misery. The time may have come to get out the scissors and your credit cards and perform what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland called some “plastic surgery” ( “Things We Have Learned— Together,” Ensign,)

Heads high on this. We don't have any credit card at all. And we agreed, never to quarrel about finances. Let your husband try  do the budgetting, at least he'll have an idea of the actual financial needs of his family, his role is to provide for the family at least get him involved in this. You'll be surprised, it will make him more responsible financially.

8. Be a true partner in home and family responsibilities.- 

Don’t be like the husband who sits around home expecting to be waited on, feeling that earning the living is his chore and that his wife alone is responsible for the house and taking care of the children. The task of caring for home and family is more than one person’s responsibility.

Find time to study the scriptures together, and follow this sound counsel from President

Kenji, thanks for washing the dishes every night. 

I've known a lot of brethren who do things in the house, who's willing to work specially in the kitchen. These are the men we should admire. They're not lazy and not stubborn, specially when you ask them for help in the household chores. 

As Pres. Kimball said:  “When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste, mentally and physically, . . . and both are working together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle” ( Marriage and Divorce [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1976], p. 24).