Choosing Stocks To Invest

I sure did learn a lot for the past week since I started trading. But I feel sorry for not being able to write it here, it just kept me busy staring whats going on in oour stocks.

But for the past 3 days we realized you don't only earn from the increase on the value of stocks but also from dividends. To invest means you have to let it stay there for a period of time and not go about closing and opening a portfolio every wave. You actually don't need to watch it every second, but after you've carefully selected which stock to buy and trust it's on a stable position leave it there and wait for dividends to come. Certain corporations declares and distribute stock dividends and you have to research that before you decide which stock to buy.

Today, I learned that Google, one of the stocks we bought don't distribute dividend in cash, there are some that do so on a quarterly basis like Exxon Mobil, Mcdonalds, ConocoPhilips and Bristol Myers. These are only few of the many, but I sure would love to put some money on these stocks when money becomes available.

Commodities have not been favorable investment as I lose a lot during my first week of learning, when I thought that oil could be good because it went peak to 112, I bought few barrels for 110 and now it's down around 107-108 and the movement is not stable as it could go up and down depening on many external forces, and so is corn. Apple didn't do me justice as newbie after buying it for 500 it went down drastically.

I learned some charting tools that had been helpful for the last three days during the time when I thought trading means buying and selling as the wave of up and down comes along. I'll do it on my next post hopefully when I get the time. 

Taking It To Stock Trading

For a very long time I've been wanting to learn and do stock trading. When I was in college, I was hoping to find a course for stock trading but there is really not a real one. About a year ago I was so excited that someone who is a CEO of the biggest banks in Saudi Arabia, our friend, is willing to teach the basics on stock trading... but sadly they have to move back to the States and the plans to demo/teach didn't push through. I've tried quite number of online stock trading software but looking at how complicated it looks with those colorful charts, numbers and terms just made me step back and keep hoping I will learn somehow. Reading books gave me interest but I can't really give my whole time studying its complicated terms and computations with my 2 kids at home. I'm not really the kind who learns from books, I learn from investigating on my own and hands on experience.

So I was so happy because I came to this online stock trading that is so easy. So I started investing last week, I invested about 1,000 SAR which is not big enough but will be fair as I learn. I know using the demo mode will make me lazy and not be attentive on it. My husband is excited and supportive also, so we used the money we earned from mystery shopping which we kept in our paypal account hoping losing it wouldn't make us feel so guilty. This are part of our sidelines and according to his words of wisdom, losing is one way to learn, and experience and lessons are priceless. And your interest will be into something where you have invested something into. Well I have invested my bag fund to stocks, and I'll be losing the nice bag I've been aiming at, working our butt on mystery shopping to fund for it.

Anyway, when I invested corn happen to be rising at a tremendous rate, I bought at minimum, and it went up so fast overnight, then I accidentally closed the position when it was only starting to come up. Next time, I noticed I missed a lot of opportunity for corn because it was making it way up to 500 then 505, I decided to buy. Just after I bought, next minutes it came down crashing, and hoping it will go back up to 505 and rise some more so I can earn, it went all the way down and never looked back to me. I was so devastated, then I noticed this trailing stop button, I searched how it works and the way it was explained to didn't make much sense so I tried it on some other stocks I bought. Then when my stocks were gaining it didn't close because I didn't set it right to the proper pips, but it closed when I made a lot of loses without giving opportunity to gain back those loses, and to think that those I invested into are gold, and oil. I was more devastated, my money crashed and I lost more than 30% of what I invested.

But because of it, I've never been more eager to learn how the trailing stop works. I had never been more enthusiastic in stock market news and reviews. I even had been more aware of the climate and weather conditions not only around me but all throughout because it does affect the investment specially in crops. And I've never been more social in stock trading forums.

I still didn't close my investment in corn, hoping it will make its way back even just to my initial capital, hoping and praying that the market will go to our favor.

My next posts shall be a journal of what is going on in my stock trading investment ADVENTURE. 

Coming And Going

Almost 7 years in the desert and I will never get used to this thing, it will always be my most liked and hated thing, I like meeting new acquaintance and I will always hate saying goodbye to friends. Lets just say I'm not getting any better or mature enough when it comes to coping up with the sad feeling of friends leaving or leaving friends - considering our case when we moved out from Al Khobar back in 2010. 

I don't want to be too close to acquaintances knowing one way or another we will say goodbye, I know so immature right. But even if I tried not to be too close to anyone, that depressing feeling still stings me whenever someone we know leaves, be that we are close friends or simple acquaintance, I wonder why the feeling strikes like a whip.  This month really sucks because our family have to say goodbye to a lot of acquaintances, "good friends" actually- even if I try to disregard or ignore the words.  I wish I can be more mobile and could visit everyone anytime I want, without the hassle of securing visa or paying for expensive  plane tickets. This made me realized the world is still too big, with friends who could be anywhere around the world, nothing can replace their presence, not facebook, not phone. My kids will still miss playing with their playmates/friends, even if at times they don't get along well because they have to fight over a toy, Heavenne will miss a teacher who listens and laughs at her stories and compliments the good things she does. As time flies memories could fade away but the fact that once in our lives someone had been a part of the story of our lives can never be erased. 

They said saying goodbye gives a promise that we might say hello and be reunited again someday, and so we cling to it.

Light and Fluffy Banana Cake

I love cooking and doing stuffs in the house. My husband always tells me to keep a record of my recipes specially the cakes so my daughter could have it when she grows up and I could pass it on. So here I am starting a blog exclusively about my home making adventure while we are here in Saudi Arabia and how we are trying to live providently as we adjust to the cultural differences and market availability of certain foods we used to  love.

The thing about my love for baking cakes is I keep on experimenting how to substitute and make the usual basic recipes a healthier version until I come up with my own recipe. Sometimes I also lose tract of the recipe and I have to keep going experimenting again. Hopefully blogging about it can help me not to lose my notes.

Banana cake is one of my dear husband's favorite cakes. I also love making it because I hate throwing the overripe bananas that we have on our table.

For years I've been trying the best recipe for banana cake. Usually, I end up with the yummy but overly dense and super moist ones which is not my favorite.

Today as I try substituting and experimenting on recipes I end up with a healthier version of super light and fluffy banana cake that calls for yogurt, and canola oil which I think is healthier than the other recipes that call for butter.

You may get the recipe here.

Chocolate Swiss Rolls

Baking has been one of the things I enjoy doing. Although most of the time, my cooking would end up in a messy disaster or its not edible at all, I'm grateful for many lessons I'm getting from those experiences. I still remember the first time I tried baking some dinner rolls, and I end up with those inedible tiny hard as stone bread, but at least we enjoy the nice aroma of baked yeast in the entire house which fooled my husband when he came home because he thought it smells yummy. On one occasion, my cake ended up with the texture of a bread

Anyway this recipe is one of the many experiments that turned out well.

Chocolate Orange Swiss Rolls

6 eggs

1/2 cup flour + 1tbsp

3 tbsp cocoa

1/2 cup sugar +2 tbsp

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp baking powder

3 tbsp oil

orange zest

beat egg whites and add a tbsp of sugar once in a while about 10 minutes. use only the 1/2 cup of sugar.

beat the egg yolks add 2 tbsp sugar and let it froth, then add the 3 tbsp oil, vanila, orange zest, and salt

sift the flour, cocoa and baking powder three times

gently beat the egg yolk mixture to the egg whites and once incorporated fold in the flour and cocoa mixture.

spread in the parchment lined pan

bake at preheated oven 450 deg F for 15 minutes or until it springs back to touch.

filling

1 bar favorite chocolate bar, I used Galaxy

1 cup heavy whipping cream

1 tsp vanilla

1 tbsp cocoa powder

melt chocolate in microwave at low for 1 minute or until slightly melted but not too hot.

pour whipping cream and beat while adding cocoa and vanilla. Add sugar if you prefer it sweeter otherwise this should taste a bit of dark chocolate.

What Better Use Of Spare Time

The other day, we had another interesting conversation with some friends. I was intrigued about what was shared about time. How time can be used in vain doing nothing, and how we could also use our time doing something productive for ourselves, or a better use could be doing something better to serve others and develop the virtue in our self.

All of us wanted to live each day and be a better person. We choose to do things we like, some would rather choose to do productive things and be crafty, some choose to give their time to others by service.   Most of my time in a day is spent with my kids in the house, once the kids go on their afternoon nap- that's my time out/ break time. What do I do with my extra time when that happens? Here are some; I wash the laundry, clean the floor, the washing area, or bake some cake- it's my stress reliever. About two months ago, I was constantly whining, well I am still whining at times. I did a self evaluation and realized I lived more than a quarter century in this world and I want to be able to contribute something really really good to the community and start something. I whine because I blame it for being here and living in a box of sand where I feel so much deprived as woman.  Association with other women here almost seem impossible, I wish I could be as creative as my husband who could always make a group and find something meaningful to do together for others who are in need, or do something for the environment here. There's just too much that could be done here but my feelings towards starting something are described in these words: "scared, deprived, underprivileged". But if I could have a time out and be as free as woman can be in other parts of the world, I really want to do some environmental and welfare work. I wanted to come out during the day and start campaigning or rally around so they will stop cutting the branches of those bushes and few trees around, or limit the use of those plastic bags in the supermarket and encourage people to bring a reusable shopping bag;  I want to rally or make awareness campaign about smoking and file petition to ban smoking inside the malls or shopping centers in Saudi because it is very unhealthy and even kids health are posed to the health danger of it every time they go to the malls. There are so much more! Thinking realistic and feasible, what better thing could I do now? I realized the best thing I could do is spend time with my kids and have a meaningful relationship with them,    teach them the things I know, and hope someday what I taught them will be the legacy I could leave not only for them but also for my posterity. So, yes we're starting a mini garden in our small patio, and we're recycling those empty water bottles - we're doing as part of our playtime.  ;-)

Responsible Parenthood

I am not sure if everyone will agree with me on this post. This is just part of what I am seeing around me, and this may or may not apply to some. I don't mean to offend anyone. This are my thoughts and what I hope to do in our family.

Last night, we happened to talk about a family friend who happened to be so kind sharing with us the news how happy they are that their two older kids are graduating from college. Both the parents really worked hard to send their kids to a nice school and have provided them well, it is all worth all the sweat and sacrifices seeing the two graduate college. My husband kidded them that soon they will be touring around the world to enjoy and enjoy their retirement money. I but in to him and said the youngest is still young and will take another decade to graduate from college.

In the Philippines, it has been part of the culture to let the older kids take care of their younger sibling's schooling once they graduated and found a job. It's like the parents are being released from their duty or responsibility to provide for their younger kids, and a way for the older kids to show their gratitude for providing for their education by taking responsibility on their younger siblings schooling needs. When I was working, most of the single co-workers are worrying about their siblings tuition that are assumed to them, there are also some who have family already but are still fulfilling that duty to provide for the schooling needs of their siblings and sometimes even their extended family. I have nothing against about helping, specially siblings taking care of each other. But I don't like the idea of passing on to children the responsibility of sending their younger siblings to school.

In my opinion, it is the duty and responsibility of parents to provide for their kids, and being able to send the older kids to school doesn't relieve us of our duty to provide well for our younger children. As parents we need to plan how we can fulfill our financial responsibility as parents not for the mean time while we still have good source of income but for time until our children could reach the right age and be independent and mature enough to provide well for themselves.

I thought, maybe one reason why Filipinos don't get that successful is because of this cultural traditions. Filipinos are so talented, they get jobs around the world. They could make a lot in their early years, but the money they are earning usually goes to support their family -and  extended family too. Imagine what a person gets to in order to fulfill his responsibility of providing for two or more families. Usually the older sibling, or the smartest person who gets a good paying job have to assume responsibility in providing for the needs and cater to the whims of their younger siblings and extended family, they become what is called "the breadwinner".

Of course the breadwinner who assumes the responsibility becomes more hardworking, more independent, and more responsible- but could they save enough, and be prepared so when they start their own family. Or when they have their own kids, had they saved enough for the schooling and financial welfare of their own kids to support them all, or will they also pass the responsibility to the eldest child after his/her college.

On the other hand, there are those who gets the benefit provided for the by the hardworking people. Not all, but many become bummer- because they know someone will be sending and giving them allowances by the end of the month, and who would want to get out of their comfort zone? Some become irresponsible specially in managing their finances, because they don't know or realize the value of the money they are spending. They usually take pity on themselves, thinking and comparing how lucky the "breadwinner" is for being smart and having a good paying job. And here I pity the breadwinner for not being able to plan ahead and save for his future. He gets married and realizes that he hasn't saved anything even after a decade of work. By the time he starts his own family he will have to provide for  his family and extended family, and what do we have to say if the spouse have to do the same to her extended family too.

And our generation of bummers and hardworking breadwinners tribe together in amensalism.

In my point of view, family should be there and help each other in their needs. If our generation will start to focus on the welfare and well being of the next generation- our children. Maybe we could be more prepared for the future, we can be more prepared in giving the best to our children. We could teach our children more to be responsible and independent; to save and plan for their future too. And when the time comes then they can focus more about their own families needs.

In life's survival, it is easier to run with each other rather than run while carrying or dragging the other. Let's teach our children to run side by side with each other, not the stronger one to carry the other. We as parents could teach our kids hard work and let them learn how to provide for themselves. Let our kids experience hard work and sacrifice, this way they can taste success sweeter than what they think it is.

And for ourselves, let's prepare for our retirement. Just think of how hard it is to raise a family, how much more could it be if we have to worry and raise extended families. To teach our children to be responsible and independent is something we owe to them so they could focus on the family they will raise. In our part  we can enjoy old age, debt free, and with peace also that if we pass away all our children will be in good standing. And we have done our duty and financial responsibility to them, and have not passed it to their siblings.

I don't want to imagine my eldest daughter Hevyn working and providing for the education of her sibling/s. When the time comes that she is able to work, I hope she will focus on preparing for herself and her own family's future. I hope we can save, invest and prepare well for our retirement, so we don't have to bug our children and their family about our financial needs for our old age. I hope more Filipinos will do the same, and the next generation could focus more on building their own homes and having stronger families, more independent and successful individuals.

Parenting Style

I have a loud voice- when I get surprised or get caught in a really pleasant and unpleasant situation I scream and yell most of the time.

Imagine how uncontrollable our kids are at home. I always complain how hard headed they are, or should I say strong willed kids. They would always do what they want no matter what it takes. I always hope they would be obedient and just obey every command I make, like a puppet, which I learned shouldn't be the case. And to think I am hard headed too and it's something they got from me -I should not deny it.

Anyway, with the house looking like it's been hit by hurricane I'm always caught off guard with my screaming and yelling capability on the run. A whole day of cleaning and with a snap they could make it look like it hasn't been cleaned for an entire week. In my case, my mind spins like the way the house looks like. So if you want me to be calm and sane you have to keep with me by organizing and tidying things up. So my dear husband noticed how loud my scream gets every time the kids surprises me with their disastrous stunts. He said, it will be better to control and keep my voice really low for the kids sake, and it might have a psychological impact on them too. The submissive wife of course promised to be mindful and expect that every moment has disaster that I need to accept and be prepared for the contingencies. The other day, I left him in-charged of our little boy, the one that has ants in his pants. He gave him orange juice and tried to keep the boy busy by feeding him most of the time. I then decided to do my kitchen chores, and suddenly I heard a yell, "No, stop!", and another scream "oh no!". What happened? He came running looking for some rugs, orange juice all over the floor. The little boy, smirking, then gave some giggles. He tilted his cup of orange juice little by little upwards and didn't listen to the father in spite of his big loud "NO". I didn't say a word right then, but I can't help laughing. Now, we're still trying to not yell or scream when things starts to happen, we both try our best. 

My Postpartum Experiences

The thing about depression, some people think it's a choice and it could be consequences of bad choices. Not until you experience it, you'll never really understand how it works. Sometimes even if you have everything around you, you could still be under it's dreadful power. And no matter how happy you are with your family, spiritual or social life you could still be a victim of it.  Postpartum depression is one of the many faces of depression.  I experienced postpartum depression with both of my pregnancies and I'm scared to experience it again. It seemed to me, it got even worse on the second time. When you thought you could handle it better the next time, you can never really say. I don't even know if I could still handle and get out of it if it happens the 3rd time, that's why I'm scared to be pregnant again.

It often attacks me in the wee hours at night. You feel restless in the middle of the night when you should be tired and sleepy. Yet, no matter how tired you make yourself trying to do all things in your power  you still couldn't fall asleep. By then something worse follows as you become more restless, you feel alone and you needed someone to help you in a way that you can't even figure out how, everyone is asleep and soon it will be dawn.  You try to think of the many things you're grateful for to cheer yourself up, but memories goes round and round as if telling you how things are all messed up even if it's really not. You feel mad, you feel self pity, you worry about things that might happen. And sometimes you just feel all those negative feelings but couldn't explain reasons why you feel such. You're ok one time, and you're in your worse in an hour to follow. You feel you're not loved and few minutes you feel overwhelmed with love. One moment you feel you are being neglected and forgotten, and next you feel blessed. You also feel body aches and funny feelings in your body, that makes you think your life might not last that long. It's like being on a seesaw, one time you're way way up and one moment you're way way down. My husband would always wake up trying to console me, and he would spend hours telling me stories or plans which is very comforting enough to bring me to sleep, sometimes he would massage me too so I could fall asleep. These are just some of what a mother experiencing ppd could feel.


I thought that I could handle it more the second time it happened to me, but it got worse and almost out of control. I'm tempted to take hormone meds but decided it wouldn't be good as I'm nursing a little boy. I get scared being alone with the kids, I want to just sit down and be hugged by my husband. There are times that I couldn't stop crying and my daughter who is only 3 years old would hug me, and sing primary songs because somehow it calms me from crying too much. She would wipe my tears and tell me to cheer up, and I feel sad right then because she has to see me in such a way but grateful too because of her love and how she's handling it. Right now, it doesn't bother me so often as it was 14 months ago, but when my period gets near then my hormones gets rattled again, one day I'm too happy and cheerful the other day I'll be depressed. I chart the dates when I feel my emotions are heightened, I let my husband know so he will understand and help me go through it and keep me busy with shopping or do other things that will pave more way to for me to be happy rather than sad. We go out, we shop for fun, we do more fun things with our family. If I get overly occupied with one thing it doesn't do me good too, balance is needed I guess, you need to establish time for yourself and time with your love ones. I still don't understand how it works, and I'm not yet an expert on solving postpartum depression. But I'm trying to understand the patterns, and talking to my partner helps a lot. I feel depressed going to the hospital too, because it makes me feel I'm terribly sick and think and worry of things about health or paranoid maybe. I want to feel healthy, and I want to feel loved- these two helped mainly to keep me sane, and not worry about the future too much.

I really never thought I want to share this here, I want it to be more of a private matter to our family. But today, I learned from my husband how his friend's wife is suffering from it. I don't know what to say, or how I could help her since she's also miles away from me. But I hope she'll be fine. There are lots of women out there who suffers the same for sure. Too bad, not everyone is aware of this thing or how it could be prevented much more how to deal with it. I hope women will be educated on this too as part of reproductive health.  I haven't learned about it  until I experienced it when Hevyn is few months old.

Every girl is different, we all have different worries, and different things that will make us happy. Most of all, we want help to come from the person we love most, not professional strangers. Comfort, love, help in many forms specially adjusting to new home situation of having a new baby is very helpful too. The feeling of being a mother is overwhelming, unexplainable and divine, these feelings makes us aware of our new responsibility and our motherly love tells us we don't want to fail our beloved child. Knowing we are not alone in bring up a child can give lots of comfort and peace which may mean a lot to a new mother.

Spirituality Check

You know that feeling when sometimes things feel so dull, things happen routinely everyday and you feel bored in a way that you yourself cannot understand or explain. When you look at things, you have good family and friends surrounding you but you keep hoping for something better beyond your own control. You are in a foreign land, deserted, estranged and you start hoping you could have a home but still you can never save enough to have one and maybe you can say never.

I am kind of battling that thought and feeling most of the time. Being here in the desert simply doesn't help. Or maybe being here simply doesn't matter at all, but still I admire the American friends I know who are brave enough to go out during the day without their husbands. Somehow living in a desert really made me feel deserted in my own home, alone and bound within the four walls of this small apartment.  I wonder, will it ever make difference if we're not in the desert right now, or I might as well be whining about the negativeness in other places. 

But then,  you still tried almost everything to lift up yourself, you feel uplifted for a while and next  you still find yourself wallowing there with that same feeling that just keeps coming back no matter how you tried to escape it. I really hope I could be as strong as the other good women that I know out there who walks with grace, faith and strong testimony in their lives no matter how difficult things goes and who never get depressed. 

Today, I had conversation with some friends who asked me why testimony of the gospel is not enough to endure it all. When you try to imagine a spirituality chart to evaluate how you are doing, you could either find it ascending or descending but never constant. There are times you feel your spirituality is uplifted, but you cannot stop and have a break from doing the things that keeps your spirituality growing, like reading the scriptures, attending church and temple, or paying tithing. If you stop from doing one or more of the things that nourishes and keeps your spirituality strong, you can never expect to go back in the same level of spirituality you had before you decided to put these good things aside, you know the line descended a little bit or a lot and you need to do things that will nourish and let it grow again. Once you've done the covenants, the most difficult point will arise, that is enduring it all and keeping the chart ascending. 

Maybe if I will be grateful enough I will find more reasons to be happy and spiritually uplifted, or I should be humble enough to accept what is given to me, or if I manage my time wisely to accommodate the arising duties and responsibilities I have with my family I could find more time for my spiritual nourishment.  Or maybe tomorrow, women will be allowed to do more in this desert box and things will lighten up as I try to keep my spiritual progress go up. 

Dressing to Give a Lasting Impression

Sometimes girls forget that what they do, the way they conduct themselves be it at home or in public sends signal as to how people will respect them. Actually it also shows how she respects herself, I will always admire a girl who can keep her standards in dressing modestly regardless of any place or occasion.

What should a girl do to get noticed by a decent and respectable man? A lot! But first she has to decided, in what way does she wants to get noticed? Clearly, dressing immodestly doesn't earn the respect of a man nor does it give a good impression. When a woman dress in a modest and decent manner, she can attract a decent man; on the other way a woman who dress immodestly can expect to attract a man in the same category who may fail to  respect women. 

I believe women can be attractive and look good no matter what their age through the way they dress up. I've known and seen many older women who dress up with glamour and sophistication, they look so decent and respectable with their modest clothing. 

On Discipline

We had a great weekend today! The message and lesson we had today about women's potential and nurturing capabilities has kept me thinking about it until we got home.

My days are made busy and sometimes overwhelming with a very active growing little boy in our home. I actually had a nap today, and I woke up feeling exasperated because I dreamed about my little boy doing some more stunts and what we refer to as "daily disaster". In fact I used to take picture and tried starting a journal blog for my two kids which is often focused on his daily disastrous stunts like messing with the flour on our cupboard, climbing on our dining table to spill the foods or drinks for fun, and I got tired and have given up recording those fun disasters with him. His disasters has turned out to be our amusement as we talk about it at night and look at his face caught in the act for those fun but not so fun to clean messy disasters. 

Sometimes disciplining kids are tricky for me, I often shout out of surprise or desperation and sometimes anger. The truth is I need to develop more patience and gentleness when it comes to reproving them. And I always reason out for my bad temper and I feel bad about it after few minutes which I think is good because at least I could explain to Hevyn my reaction and hope its not too late, nobody really wants to hurt the precious child's heart. I don't want them to be rebellious because of the way they get treated when being disciplined. 

Disciplining our kids is never easy. I think it is more challenging for parents as they learn more valuable virtues while they rear and teach kids. In the end sometimes it is really the parents who should learn more, and what we learn as parents can actually matter more than the small things we want our kids to learn. 

It is always important to seek the guidance of the Holy Ghost in all things we do. The boundaries between being so harsh and reproving kids with sharpness can only be distinguished by how we feel inside us and how we are guided by Holy Ghost as we teach kids the right way. And sometimes we can note that kids learn more with gentleness and patience rather than by punishment or nagging.